


The Circle of Us

by anyothergirl415



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 01:42:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/579920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyothergirl415/pseuds/anyothergirl415
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared and Jensen have been friends since Kindergarten and Jensen fell for Jared without meaning too. But coming together, sharing everything for the first time, is the least of the challenges waiting for them in the not too distant future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

-Jared-

There were quite a few gifts Jared received for his seventeenth birthday that fit into the category of _epically_ awesome. Not the least of which being the used Ford Escape his mom had surprised him with; that could definitely fit all of his friends as long as they never told their parents someone had to ride in back without a seat belt. Or if they didn't mind squishing. 

Danneel got him a summer pass to _Water World_ \- which meant all the water slides Jared could handle - Sandy got him the new _fun._ CD - which meant bad singing in his new car and it couldn't get much better than that. Chris had been practically beaming as he presented Jared with a starter car kit full of tools and jumper cables and a bunch of other shit Jared didn't know about - which obviously meant he was one of the only people who didn't know he was finally getting a car for his birthday.

All he got from Chad was a couple of candy bars and toothbrush but well, Jared had honestly been surprised to receive anything from the blond so he'd thanked him with a bright grin.

But the best gift - better than the car, the promise of a million trips to the best water park ever, or even really bad singing to too loud music - was the one from his best friend. Jensen had been twitchy and unsure as he offered the package, a nervous smile on his lips - the kind that always made Jared's own smile grow because his best friend was kind of ridiculous. There was no way Jared wouldn't absolutely love anything Jensen got him.

This particular something was so much more than anything Jared could have thought up. It was a scrapbook, the front decorated in a collection of items that would mean something only to them. A torn page from a coloring book - from Kindergarten, that first day when Jensen had shared his Spiderman book - a movie stub - from the first PG-13 film they'd snuck in to see together - candy wrappers that spelled out a bright _J_ and handwritten notes and napkins covered in tic-tac-toe games. Something had been sealed over the items, keeping them in place and safe on the cover of the album and Jared's eyes pinched with tears at the swell of emotion.

"Jen..."

"You haven't even opened it yet," Jensen laughed softly and inched a little closer, reaching out to trace the edge of the mahogany book. 

Jared wasn't sure he wanted to look at the rest of the book with all his friends and his mother watching curiously. But Jensen was so eager, his bright green eyes shining with excitement, so he slowly lifted the cover. The scrapbook pages were chronologically ordered, starting with pictures from their childhood, arms thrown around each other, matching shining grins and Ninja Turtle backpacks. There were pictures from their classrooms - one with Sandy, paint smeared on her cheeks; one with Christian in a Peter Pan costume and a deep scowl; another with Danneel and Chad pulling each other's hair. 

It was quiet in the living room - probably quieter than it had ever been when all his friends were over - but Jared couldn't tear his eyes from the pictures covering each page he turned. Jensen had always had an artistic eye and the scrapbook clearly reflected that, photos bordered by drawings, stickers, angled in just the right way. 

By the time Jared made it to their middle school years there were tears streaming down his cheeks. But the best kind of tears, full of warmth and happiness, and Jared traced a picture of them all dressed up for their first Spring Fling - the one where they'd gone as a group with matching flowers and everything - with a choked laugh.

The last page in the book was covered in photos from just a few weeks before, the Fourth of July, and Jared couldn't stop staring at the image of Jensen looking his way, eyes warm and crinkled at the edges. Something about that particular picture stirred the strangest sensation in his chest but he shrugged it off. The entire book was emotional; it was probably that.

"God, Jen, this is so amazing." Jared flipped to the next page, which was blank, and beamed brightly up at his best friend. "It's not finished?"

"Well, we still have one more year of high school. Pretty sure we'll fill up those last pages by the time it's over." Jensen's smile was the same one in that picture from the Fourth of July and Jared leaned forward to hug the boy before he could question it any further. 

"Thank you so much," Jared whispered against the boy's ear and squeezed him tight.

As far as birthdays went, Jared was pretty sure this one was the absolute best.

-Jensen-

"That was such a sweet gift Jensen; it must have taken a really long time."

A smile twitched at Jensen's lips as he lifted his shoulder in a shrug, tossing a stack of paper plates into the trash. His eyes drifted to the back door, where he could see Jared tackling Chad into the grass, then back to Mama. "Not too long. I mean, tracking down all the pictures was kind of hard. Thanks for those by the way."

"Lord knows I've been meaning to organize them for years. And you did a better job than I ever could have." Mama stepped forward, pulling Jensen into a tight hug. "You know I'm here for you, if you ever need to talk." 

Jensen had first met Sharon Padalecki his second day of Kindergarten, the same day he met Jared Padalecki. She had a bright grin with dimples just like her son and brown curly hair and Jensen could still remember the way she'd shaken his hand with a _Hello Jensen, nice to meet you_ and smelled just like the pink flowers in the park by his house. 

It wasn't long after that, that Jensen glued himself to Jared's side and Sharon Padalecki simply became Mama. Jensen called his own mother, Mom, so it wasn't all that hard to give into the name. And it wasn't all that hard now, to know she understood something that he'd never voiced aloud. Never thought he could.

Swallowing thickly, Jensen pulled back and looked up at Mama - just an inch or so, he was definitely growing - barely a hint of a smile on his lips. "Talk about what?"  
"Oh, I don't know. The weather." Mama pressed a kiss to his temple and nudged him back. "Will you go stop those boys before they damage one another?"

Jensen laughed and decided to ignore whatever it was Mama was hinting at. He knew what it was, actually, and he wasn't entirely sure how she'd figured it out, but Jared's birthday party was not the time to talk about it.

So he did as she asked, shoving the back door open and shaking his head roughly. "Chad! Don't kill Jared before he has a chance to take us out in his sweet new ride."  
There was a wicked sort of gleam to Chad and Jared's gazes as the boys stopped wrestling and turned to face him. Jensen could feel that little burst of heat that he'd learned to associate with Jared a little too often as of late. His palms began to sweat as he took a step back and roughly shook his head.

"No. No way. Don't even. I am warning you guys." Jensen barely managed to swallow the squeak rising up in his throat a beat later when Jared's arms locked hard around his waist, lifting him swiftly off the ground in a quick spin.

Jensen's stomach flipped and twisted in knots he'd rather not think too much about as Jared's hands framed his form and held him close. Sometimes, the way Jared made his heart race, it kind of hurt.

He'd never forget the first time he felt... this.

It was nearly a year ago, exactly. The day before Jared's sixteenth birthday, and Jensen had stayed the night the way he had a million times in the past. It was such a common occurrence they were completely comfortable with each other, even sharing the large King sized bed Mama had needed to purchase when Jared hit three growth spurts, one right after another. 

Nothing about that particular night had seemed unusual and maybe it would have stayed that way, maybe Jared would have stayed just his best friend and life would have gone on like normal. But there had been some chocolate smeared on the edge of his lip from the cookies Mama had baked and Jensen hadn't known. Not until Jensen trailed him into the bedroom and his best friend turned with a laugh, reaching out to wipe the chocolate away. 

And, for whatever the reason, that one little moment changed absolutely everything. It wasn't as if Jared hadn't taken care of him before - God, this wasn't even that big of a deal - but for some reason Jensen's heart and mind and dick chose that moment to react. All at once, the blood rushed from his ears and down to his crotch. His heart sped up and his cheeks flushed as he watched Jared lick the chocolate from his thumb. 

Jared turned away then, carrying on with life as usual, and Jensen... fell. Pretty damn hard. 

"Let me guess, thinking about getting a head start on your school reading?" Jared asked with a laugh, setting Jensen down and stumbling back, dizzy from the quick spin. 

Schoolwork was the absolute last thing Jensen was thinking about but he wasn't going to tell Jared that. Instead, he gave his best friend a sheepish smile and he lifted his shoulders in an innocent shrug. "Something like that."

Jensen laughed and turned away, chasing after Chad again, and Jensen rode out the little flutter in his chest. Being in love with his best friend wasn't all that bad; at least Jensen got to have the boy in his own special way. Even if it wasn't entirely the way he wanted.  
-Jared- 

It sucked that summer was pretty much over. Or would be, in less than twelve hours when they were stepping into _Wilson West High_ once more. 

There was nothing better than the long stretch of endless days, especially since his birthday and the addition of a vehicle and the _Water World_ pass that they'd used nearly every single day. Jared was pretty sure his ears were permanently waterlogged, but he wouldn't trade a single fucking moment of it. 

"Man, this was the best summer ever," Jared sighed wistfully, flopping over on his bed, letting his arm drop over Jensen's chest. "Seriously. Nothing will ever top this summer."

"I'm pretty sure you said that at the end of last summer," Jensen laughed and pushed his arm away, rolling onto his side to face Jared and peering at him through the darkness. "Next summer we'll be celebrating no more high school, you'll turn eighteen, pretty sure all of that is going to be way more epic than _Water World_."

"Maybe..." Jared mumbled, rolling to face Jensen and inching just a little closer. "Maybe we'll have girlfriends. That'd be pretty awesome."

Silence lingered between them, the kind that didn't happen very often - if ever. He could categorize all of their silences - the intense ones, during epic video game marathons, and the comfortable ones, when they'd used up all their words for the day - and this wasn't one of those. This was... something else. Jared pulled back a little, frowning down at Jensen. There was something he didn't know and when it came to Jensen? That _never_ happened.

"You don't..." Jared rolled his lower lip beneath his teeth, looking away then back. "You would tell me, wouldn't you, if you had a girlfriend? You wouldn't keep something like that secret."

"Jared, don't be an idiot." Jensen huffed a laugh - it didn't sound all that real and Jared's brows drew together - and fell onto his back, eyes closing slowly. "There is no girlfriend."

"Then what is it?" Jared inched closer once more and leaned into Jensen's side, working up the puppy dog eyes that always got him his way. Jensen called them lethal and Jared could tell by the way his best friend was purposefully looking away that whatever he wasn't saying had to be pretty big. 

It made Jared nervous, knowing Jensen had a secret from him, and he couldn't even say why.

"Come on Jen. You gotta tell me. I'll never be able to sleep. Come on. _Come on_. Please?" Jared nuzzled against Jensen's shoulder, tickling the boy's side a moment later. When all else failed - including the killer puppy dog eyes - always go for the tickling. 

Jensen squirmed and huffed and tried not to laugh - Jared could tell by the way he kept making those funny little squeaks. "Damn it Jared, fucking knock it off. I will shave your hair off!"

"You would never, you love my hair." Jared sighed and dropped back, pouting at his best friend. "Or maybe you don't love me at all anymore. We don't keep secrets from each other."

"I don't want a girlfriend," Jensen spat with a little more force than Jared expected. 

Sure, he'd been laying it on a little thick but Jensen didn't have to get all testy with him. And then, Jensen's words sank in, and Jared slowly blinked his eyes open and sat up. There were a lot of things that could be meant by those words but there was nothing he knew like he knew Jensen and to Jared, the implication was obvious. "You, um... okay. So... when did you figure this out? I mean, that you're, you know."

"Gay?" Jensen whispered, pulling his legs up to his chest and tugging them in close. When he spoke again his head was tucked between his knees, the words barely loud enough for Jared to hear. "Been a while, I guess."

"A while? Jesus, Jen, why didn't you say anything?" For some reason, knowing Jensen kept such a huge secret from him made Jared's blood boil. He slid off the edge of the bed and paced across his room, remembering just in time not to make too much noise. The last thing he needed was Mama lecturing them about getting a good night's sleep before their first day back. "This is not the type of thing you keep from your fucking _best friend_."

"I was scared you'd freak out." 

Jared stopped pacing and spun to Jensen, eyes wide. "Seriously? Why the hell would you think I'd do that?"

"Uh, maybe because that's exactly what you're doing right now." Jensen finally stopped whispering, pushing off the bed to stand as well and reaching out quickly for his shirt. "I think I'm just gonna go home."

"Wait, Jen, come on. I just... you surprised me is all. I had _no_ idea. Not a fucking clue that you were into guys." Jared's frown deepened when Jensen stopped and looked up, a flash of hurt crossing his face and disappearing so quick he thought he had to be seeing things. "Jensen... you know I would never judge you about something like that. I love you; you're like the most important person in my life. Being gay totally doesn't change that."  
Jensen considered him for a very long and silent minute and Jared felt his gut swirling unpleasantly. How could Jensen even doubt Jared's words, after so many years of friendship? Jensen was like his brother, only more than that, something Jared could never even name. 

"Please Jensen, I swear I didn't mean to freak out, you've gotta believe me." Jared lifted his arms, hands raised out like whenever he tried to approach Chris' mutt dog that was the most skittish thing Jared had ever seen. 

Then - and finally - a slow smile stretched across Jensen's lips and he laughed, head tipping back with his forward sway. "Oh, my God."

Dude, you suck." Jared dropped his hands and pouted, rubbing his sweaty palms over his thighs. Jensen had really freaked him out, made him think he'd really fucked things up by being completely shocked over his best friend's preferences.

Okay, not completely shocked, but Jared couldn't really think about that right now. 

"Just, your face," Jensen snorted a laugh and fell back onto the bed, laying fingers over his eyes. "You were totally losing it. I should have made you feel guiltier; maybe I could have gotten something out of it."

"I hate you." Jared fell down beside Jensen on the bed, a little exhausted now that the relief was washing through him. Jensen snorted a laugh again and Jared elbowed his side. "Man seriously. I have blackmail on you. Bathtub. Tutu. Nail polish."

Jensen abruptly stopped laughing; rolling over and slapping his hand hard enough over Jared's lips, it caused them to tingle. Not altogether unpleasantly. "Okay. I get it. And you're not freaking out?"

It probably wasn't meant to be a question but as Jensen's hand drew back, Jared could see the uncertainty in those familiar green eyes. It brought a small smile to Jared's lips and he leaned in, sliding his arms around Jensen and tugging him in for a tight hug. Jared thought maybe it should be a little weird - they were both in boxers and t-shirts, hugging in his bed in the dark, after his best friend had just come out of the closet - but it wasn't. 

That was another one of those things Jared should probably not think about. Changing topics was probably the best idea.

"So, got your eye on some guy?" Jared asked without releasing Jensen, squeezing him tight and smirking into the boy's shoulder.

"Hell no, we are not going there." Jensen pulled back and shoved at Jared but there was a wide grin on his lips. "Did you know you're kind of awesome?"

"Only always."

-Jensen-

As it turned out, being a senior wasn't all that different from being a Junior. The classes were about the same level of challenging - though maybe just a little bit more, mostly because it wasn't harder to care - and the teachers treated you with that same generic indifference. Chris got a thrill out of bossing freshmen around and scaring the shit out of them, and Danneel had mini-me's in training who followed her around like the perfect lemmings. 

For the most part though, it was just the same as ever, including his friendship with Jared. Some part of Jensen had thought maybe things would change, once he'd confessed to liking guys - maybe he'd harbored some secret idea that Jared would suddenly confess the same thing and they'd... do stuff. But none of that had happened, not the bad or the good. It was just life as usual.

"I swear to Allah and everything holy, Mrs. O'Brien gets hotter every single year," Chad sighed dramatically, dropping heavily in the seat across from Jensen and letting his lunch tray slam loudly on the table.

Jensen choked on his too-dry pasta, eyes watering even when Jared clapped him hard on the back. "Gross, Chad. She's like seventy," Jensen grumbled around lingering coughs, waving Jared off before he could smack him once more. "Brain rape."

Seventy or not, that woman is fine and I would let her teach me all sorts of lessons. Mainly with her ruler. Bent over her desk. If you get what I'm saying." The waggle of Chad's eyebrows was completely unnecessary and Jensen was pretty sure he was going to be sick.

"You are a disgusting and foul person Chad Michael. I can't believe I choose to associate with you," Danneel sighed and brushed long red hair over her shoulder. 

"Just goes to show what a kind and generous person you are," Sandy patted Danneel's shoulder comfortingly and Jensen smirked over at Jared, both ducking down to stifle their laughter.

The funny thing about Chad was his ability to say some of the most vile, filthy shit Jensen had ever heard then in the same breath, be ridiculously sensitive. He was maybe the most easily offensive person Jensen had ever met and it never stopped being funny. He was pretty sure it was one of the major reasons they kept Chad around. And, well, he was a good friend when you really needed one. 

"I vote topic change. Let's discuss how Jensen's gay and Jared somehow didn't know, thought it was probably the most obvious thing ever." Chris smirked their way, sending a bright blush almost instantly up Jensen's cheeks. 

He really didn't need everyone discussing this, because the four people at this table excluding Jared had known him nearly as long and they didn't have Jared's best friend goggles. They weren't as oblivious as he would have liked - at least, not at all of them - and Jensen would rather not have someone else confessing secrets that were his to keep.

"Or how about the Back to School dance? We going together again this year? Or have any of you actually managed to scrounge up dates?" Jensen quickly steered the conversation onto something else, shooting a glare at Chris just in case he was one of those not-so-oblivious ones. 

The Back to School dance was a step down from the Winter Formal or Prom, dressing up wasn't even required. But usually the dancing was fun - especially when they were dancing as a group and Jensen didn't have to be jealous over anyone in particular - and afterward they always shared burgers and fries at _The Shack_. Which was maybe one of the more shady diners in town but it had been their go-to food joint for three years and counting. 

So Jensen always looked forward to it and this year would be their last, so they had to make it their best.

"Actually, um, I guess this is something I should probably do in private but uh, I was kind of thinking of asking Sandy," Jared muttered, ducking his head down so his hair fell and covered the blush on his cheeks. 

Jensen - who had just been in the middle of considering what they might do this year to make it even better than the three years before - had never felt anything like the way his heart dropped heavy in his chest. It was quiet at the table and Jensen was afraid to look at anyone because there had to be something like heartbreak in his eyes. 

"Wow, never knew this was the magic way to get you all to shut up at once," Jared laughed in that nervous, shy, adorable sort of way he had. 

Jensen's heart panged and he knew it wouldn't be long before Jared freaked out, got all upset. This was his best friend and Jensen had no right to be selfish about any of this. So, Jared wanted to go to the dance with Sandy; that was fine, Jensen could go by himself. Or with Chris, Chad and Danneel. Yeah, Jensen could totally handle that.

"I think you just surprised us is all," Jensen finally managed to pull himself together, looking up and giving Jared the _best friend_ smile. He wasn't sure if Jared could tell that it didn't hold all the warmth it usually did but he hoped not. "Um... maybe we should give you two some time to talk?"

Before anyone else could answer, Jensen pushed up and grabbed his tray, a little relieved when he saw Chad doing the same. He looked up long enough to watch the blonde boy slip Jared a thumbs up and well, honestly Jensen hadn't expected Chad to be one of the one's who'd already figured it out but still... it kind of hurt. 

"Jen?" Jared grabbed his arm before he could turn away and Jensen made himself freeze though he was so tempted to turn around and flee. When the boy spoke again, his voice was quiet, just loud enough for them, and that ache in Jensen's heart burned. "It's okay right? That I wanna ask her I mean... just thought, it might be nice. To have an official date and all."

Jared's words were like a punch in the gut and Jensen closed his eyes and pulled free from the too warm fingers on his arm. "Yeah. I get it. You do what you want. Maybe I won't even go."

"You have to go, though. Hey, maybe you can ask someone too. We could double date," Jared suggested brightly, forgetting that Sandy was still at the table waiting to have whatever conversation was to follow. 

Jensen could tell himself all he wanted that he was going to be a good best friend and support Jared. It was the right thing to do and all, but he really hadn't anticipated the way his heart was going to hurt so badly. There were tears in his eyes when he finally forced them open and looked down at Jared, sad smile on his lips. "Pretty sure anyone I'd want to ask is not interested. See you later, Jay."

With that, he finally gave in to the urge to flee, turning from Jared and Sandy and their usual lunch table and walking swiftly across the Quad. Danneel was waiting for him by the large double doors that led inside and he fell into her side as a thin arm hooked over his shoulder. 

"Sorry, Jen," she breathed softly, pressing a kiss to his temple.

It didn't surprise him that Danneel knew, but it didn't really make it any easier.  
-Jared-

A frown pulled at Jared's lips as he watched Jensen tuck up against Danneel's side, head ducked down, shoulders hunched. He didn't really understand what Jensen had meant by saying no one would be interested. Jensen was a good-looking guy. At least, Jared was pretty sure Jensen was good looking. It wasn't like Jared was the right person to judge those kinds of things. 

But Jensen did have those pouty lips, everyone enjoyed lips like those. And there were all those freckles covering the bridge of his nose and his cheeks, Jared had watched them steadily appear over the years and they were kind of adorable. Also, Jensen's hair was always really soft and silky, Jared could imagine the way it would run so easily through his fingers, the perfect combination of warm and gentle.

Or, someone else's fingers, not Jared's. Why would he think about caressing Jensen's hair?

"Jared?" Sandy was the only one left at the table with him but Jared had kind of forgotten she was there, too distracted wondering about Jensen's strange exit. 

He blinked a few times then looked down at the girl, reminding himself to smile after a minute. It had seemed so important, just a few minutes before, to have a date to the dance. Now everything felt so strange and he couldn't even figure out why this had mattered so much. 

"So um, are you really going to ask me to the dance?" Sandy asked a little breathless, hands fluttering back through his hair. 

Jared thought maybe she was excited, or nervous, or whatever it was girls got whenever they were about to be asked out. But when he looked over at the girl her face was red, small frame shifting uncomfortably along the chair.

It hit him then that this wasn't about to play out the way he had hoped it would. Or at least was so sure it would. Jared frowned and rubbed fingers back through his hair. "You're going to say no aren't you?"

"Jared... it's not that I don't like you. It's just, you know, I like someone else, even if he's maybe not interested. And then there's the whole Jensen thing." Sandy sighed, turning toward him with a small smile. "Please don't let things get weird between us, okay? You're one of my best friends and I don't want that to change."

"It won't, nothing will change, I promise." Jared smiled and well, he wasn't really lying. Actually, Jared was only a little disappointed that Sandy said no, which was probably weird. "Wait, what Jensen thing?"

"Oh honey, it really is a good thing you're so cute." Sandy laughed softly and laid her hand on Jared's arm, squeezing softly as she pushed up to her feet and dipped down to kiss his cheek.

Jared frowned; maybe this was why he was okay with Sandy not wanting to go. Girls were so damn confusing sometimes. "Who's the someone else? That you think isn't interested?"

"It... doesn't matter. Tell you what though, when you figure things out with yourself, I'll let you in on my secrets. See you later Jay."

Jared turned to watch her leave, considering why it suddenly felt like everyone else knew something that he hadn't. He knew that sometimes he could be a little oblivious about some things; people tended to tease him about that pretty often, but usually someone took pity and filled him in on whatever major thing he was missing. 

Usually that someone was Jensen.

"God, seriously," Jared groaned, finally pushing up to leave the lunch table as well. There was no way he'd be able to focus in his afternoon classes if he didn't have some pieces of the puzzle in place. Jared didn't do confusion very well. 

The warning bell signaling five minutes to class sounded just as Jared had finally tracked down his best friend. Relief washed through him as he watched the boy lingering at his locker, like maybe he was waiting for Jared. Which he wasn't, of course, and Jared wasn't really sure why that would matter either way.

"Man, you'd tell me if I'm missing something major right?" Jared said by way of a greeting, slumping against the locker beside Jensen's.

The boy jumped and looked wide eyed up at Jared, gaze flickering beyond his shoulder then back. "Where's Sandy?"

"I don't know, class probably." Jared shrugged and reached out, picking at the fraying hem of his shirt. "So, something major? Am I being stupid again?"

"You're-" Jensen sighed and stepped back, shutting his locker and shrugging. Jared frowned at the way Jensen wouldn't lift his eyes, and was shifting back like he was ready to bolt. "Look, don't worry about it okay? I'll see you later."

In the next moment, Jensen was spinning on his heels and weaving through the thick throng of teenagers. And yeah, maybe Jared was a little oblivious sometimes, but he'd have to be an idiot to not realize that something was definitely wrong.

-Jensen-

Waiting for Jared after school was something he always did, so natural and normal that it took actual force to move himself from the front steps. He just wasn't sure he could handle spending the afternoon with Jared, hearing him gush about his and Sandy's plans for the dance. He didn't want to know how much Jared liked Sandy or if he planned to kiss her - or more - and it fucking sucked that this was expected of him as the best friend. 

Walking home was strange and Jensen kept his eyes down on the sidewalk because he was a little worried he'd trip over something. Or maybe just worried that he'd catch Jared's eye from the distance and have to see how the obvious brush off would hurt the boy. 

Falling in love with your best friend sucked. 

"Hey, Jen." Sandy's arm looped through his, pacing quickening to keep up with Jensen's almost jog. "What's up?"

Jensen wasn't technically running away, that would be such a pussy thing to do, and well it didn't matter anyway because here was Sandy. The problem with having the same friends for the good majority of your life was their uncanny ability to read your emotions so easily. Jensen could tell Sandy was eyeing him with sympathy and sadness, no matter how casual she was pretending to be.

"I'm fine," Jensen muttered, slowing his pace a little, as they reached the edge of the school grounds.

"Um, hmm. You know I said no," Sandy murmured, leaning her head on Jensen's shoulder, sighing softly. "To Jared."

Jensen frowned and stopped, pulling back from the girl and turning to face her knowing dark eyes. Apparently, she was one of the not-so-oblivious ones, go figure. "You didn't have to do that."

"Oh yeah and spend the entire evening watching you make heartbroken puppy dog eyes at him and feel like a complete bitch? No thanks." Sandy laughed and reached out, brushing a few specs of dirt from his shirt. "There's someone else I'm holding out on anyway, hoping he'll wise up and ask me himself."

"Chris wise up? Yeah, that'll happen, right after Jared comes waltzing out of the closet professing his undying love for me." It sounded bitter - probably a little too harsh, judging from the way Sandy's delicately shaped eyebrow arched up - and Jensen's frown deepened. 

"Well then there's hope for me yet." Sandy finally laughed, stepping in and throwing her arms around Jensen in a tight hug. "He'll figure it out Jensen, trust me. And if not then, we'll help him along."

Jensen was pretty sure the last thing he wanted was their crazy group of friends intervening for them. Sure, Jensen would give anything to have Jared look at him with love and adoration that went beyond friendship but not if someone was making him feel that way. Jensen was pretty damn smart in all things Jared, the boy could be convinced he really wanted to mop the floor while singing Justin Bieber if you talked to him just right.

"Jensen!" Whenever Jared said his name, Jensen had to stop himself from shivering. The rush of warmth it sent through him was a little unnerving honestly and even now - when he was trying to avoid his best friend - he felt the swell of heat.

"I can't see him right now," Jensen whispered in a rush to Sandy, grabbing her hand and giving her pleading eyes. "I just... I just need some time, to get my head on straight. Please?"

"Jen... you shouldn't..." Sandy sighed and glanced toward Jared who was quickly heading their way before nodding and shoving Jensen back. "Go on. I'll come up with an excuse."

"Thank you. Just for a little while I swear." Jensen spared a quick finally glance at his best friend - who was grinning with those dimples, the kind Jensen sometimes pretended were meant for him alone - before turning and running off. 

-Jensen-

 _Isn't it strange, the way things can change, life that you lead_ -

Jensen hit the side of his phone to stop the ring from playing any further. The moment the call connected to voicemail, he lifted the device, quickly turning off the volume. Jensen didn't bother looking up because he was pretty sure his entire family had to be eyeing him curiously. After all, they might have a rule about not taking calls during dinner but Jared was the one exception to it. 

His parents usually didn't care so much if he answered just long enough to tell Jared it was dinnertime and he'd call him back. That honestly kind of sucked because Jensen couldn't even use the meal as a logical excuse for ignore Jared's call. This one, that is. There was no way he'd come up with a convincing lie for ignore the previous five that had come before dinner.

 **Jared:** _dude stop ignoring me!! whats going on??_

Jensen blinked down at the new text and his heart twisted unpleasantly. Why was it hitting him so hard now all of a sudden? God, Jensen had been in love with Jared for over a year and he'd dealt with it just fine.

"Are you and Jared having a fight, honey?" His mom finally asked a few minutes later after Jensen managed to turn his gaze away from the phone and pick at his meal once more.

God, this was so not something Jensen could explain to his parents. They loved him, he knew it, but there were some things they could never understand, and his feelings for Jared definitely fit into that category. Actually, the entire _gay_ didn't fit into that category but that was something he was currently not thinking about.

Like Jared, for instance.

"Nah, it's nothing. We just... I just need a break." Jensen ducked his head down even further, too close to his plate of food to really eat, but he needed to hide somehow. _Need a break_ , who the hell said that about their best friend?

"Alright, well, I'm sure you two will be just fine." His mom dismissed it easily and the conversation at the table shifted onto something else - his mother's day, his father's most recent client, his sister's school project. But Jensen couldn't focus on any of the normal stuff. 

All he could think about was Jared, the phone calls and text messages he was pretending weren't mocking him on his cell, and the harsh reminder this entire Sandy thing was. That's what it really boiled down to, this whole avoiding Jared thing. 

Because Jared was seventeen now and was wanting to be with someone - a girl, someone who wasn't Jensen - and it was going to be a more pressing urge than ever. Who wanted to be their age and a virgin? It sucked. Everything sucked. 

**Jared:** _Jensen? Ur freaking me out. Please?_

"Can I be excused?" Jensen asked quietly, already pushing back from the table as soon as his dad said it was okay. He held his thumb over the phone until the device shut down and tried to ignore the guilt that stirred up in him.

-Jared-

"Jensen! God, dude, I've completely been freaking out!" Jared dodged around a swarm of freshmen, entirely too relieved at the sight of his best friend standing in front of his open locker. 

Jensen looked up at the sound of his name and Jared's smile grew, trying not to shove the much smaller boy that was standing between him and the path forward. For a moment their eyes met, Jared watched the bright green of Jensen's widen before the boy was suddenly spinning and all but running off down the hall. Jared's heart sank, something unpleasant twisting in his gut as he watched his best friend disappear into the crowd. 

Because it was one thing to rationalize last night - Sandy had said Jensen had a family emergency and had to run off, and that family emergency could have easily kept Jensen from answering the phone or returning his texts. But this? There was no denying that Jensen was avoiding him now, fleeing from Jared as if the idea of even a simple hello was terrifying. 

It made Jared feel a little sick. 

How could you be best friends with someone almost your entire life and suddenly have everything change in less than twenty-four hours? Jared didn't even understand what he'd done wrong or what would cause Jensen to suddenly treat him like he had the plague. 

His first class was with Jensen, _Human Health_ , so Jared decided he would just head there now. Jensen couldn't avoid class forever and they sat right beside each other, Jensen would have to give in and talk to him eventually.

Maybe just long enough for Jared to apologize for whatever idiot thing he'd done to upset Jensen.

But, as the clock ticked closer to the final bell and Jared kept his eyes glued on the classroom door, his last little hope seemed to fade away. Jared's heart was heavy in his chest, his palms damp with sweat, and he was pretty sure he was going to burst into tears right there in the middle of class. That would be so beyond pathetic, Jared couldn't even go there.

Just as the bell rang, Jensen slipped into the class, skirting past their teacher and quickly taking his seat as far from Jared as he could. The way Jared's heart sped up again was unnerving and he shifted closer, dropping his voice in the lowest whisper he could. 

"Jen? Please talk to me? What did I do wrong?" Jared reached out, laying his hand over Jensen's arm and squeezing tightly. 

Jensen's eyes lifted to his and Jared was a little shocked by the sadness there. It was like Jensen was really hurting, the green of his eyes glistening with unshed tears, and Jared sucked in a quick surprised breath. 

"Alright, everyone settle down. Today we're going to be discussing the male reproductive system. Specifically pregnancies and how the evolution of man's body has changed over the years to allow for these rare pregnancies to happen," Mrs. Hughes spoke loudly over the groans of the classroom, turning toward the board to start writing. 

Jared's hand on Jensen's arm tightened but the warmth beneath his fingers faded a moment later as Jensen slowly pulled away. The boy was staring intently down at his open Health book, like learning about male pregnancies was the most fascinating thing imaginable, but Jared couldn't get himself to look away. 

It felt like the answer to everything was there, just under the surface of his understanding, and Jared wasn't entirely sure he was ready for whatever it might be.  
-Jensen-  
Four days.

Four days of avoiding his best friend and the boy he was completely head over heels in love with and Jensen thought he was maybe losing his mind. He spent his lunchtime hiding in the library, tucked behind bookshelves and eating as fast as he could just in case he needed a quick break away. Jensen had seven out of eight classes with Jared, all of which he usually sat beside him, and Jensen had never been almost late to so many classes, skirting in just when the bell rang.

In the end - when Jensen looked back on this time with a bitter taste in the back of his mouth - Jensen would never be able to say how he'd managed to avoid Jared for as long as he did. They were the longest, most painful days of Jensen's life and he could barely make his rationale for staying away stick.

He kept thinking, one more day. One more day and he'd stop loving Jared so much, it would stop hurting knowing Jared would never feel the same. But even after four days, the feelings weren't lessening in the slightest and Jensen wasn't ready to accept the idea of what that might mean. Like maybe he'd have to cut Jared out of his life entirely, and Jensen wasn't entirely sure he could actually do that.

"I wish you two would just kiss and make up already," Danneel sighed and leaned into Jensen's side, reaching out to snag some fries from his plate. 

Jensen scrunched his face up and shifted against the squishy seat. The Shack had the best booths, all worn in and comfortable, and Jensen couldn't begin to count how many hours they'd spent occupying them. Tonight felt weird though, the tension of the last few days hanging heavy over the group. 

He'd kind of forgotten how he and Jared being at odds could affect the rest of their group. No one had called either of them on it - not directly at least - but Jensen was pretty sure they all knew by now what was going on. Except Jared, who was always the last one to catch up on the most important things. 

"It's never gonna happen," Jensen muttered and dipped his own fries into the ranch puddle on his plate, more than ready for the distraction of greasy food. "I just need to get over... everything. And it'll get better, I promise."

"Bull shit. You two need to get your shit together and profess your undying love already," Chris groaned, balling up the wrapper from his fries and tossing it at Jensen. "I am fucking sick of the emo."

Jensen knew the feeling, he was sick of the emo too. He was sick of missing his best friend and sick of loving him far more than he should. "I know, I know. How do I make it better though? It's not like I can make him love me like that."

"Well maybe if you'd stop being such a chicken shit you could have a legit conversation and actually work out some of the hormonal angst you're both reeking of." Chad slumped back on the bench beside Chris, across from Jensen, and if he weren’t so right Jensen probably would have been more annoyed. 

It really was his own damn fault that the group dynamics were so off. Maybe if Jensen could just suck it up, stuff all those feelings back down to that secret place he'd kept them secretly tucked away for more than a year, they could go back to having their usual awesome Friday nights. Now Jared wasn't even here and Jensen felt the absence like an ache in his chest. 

He was sure they all felt it. They always sat in the back booths at The Shack, where the benches were wide enough to fit three, and even the waitress had looked a little confused when they'd settled in minus one. Sandy, Chris, and Chad sat on one side, Danneel beside Jensen on the other and no matter how much he fidgeted, there was no way to make that space disappear. 

"God, I hate my life," Jensen groaned and fell forward, dropping his head down hard on the diner table. 

If Jensen had been sitting up he probably would have realized something was about to happen. Maybe he should have paid a little more attention to whomever it was that kicked his ankle. At least then, he would have had some kind of warning.

"Jensen. We need to talk."

Sitting up in a flash, Jensen blinked his eyes open and lifted them to the boy at their side. For a moment his gaze lingered on Jared's thin tapered waist before dragging up, fixing on sad hazel gazing down on him. Jensen swallowed thickly and tore his gaze away, scanning over the nervous anticipation on their friend's faces.

"Can we go outside please?" Jared slid his hands into his pockets, frown tugging his lips down. 

And finally, Jensen could no longer dodge and ignore his best friend. He felt the guilt of the last few days weigh heavily on his shoulders and he had no choice but to nod and slowly slide to the edge of the bench. Jared stepped back to give Jensen room to stand but somehow Jensen still felt the heat of his body like a magnet he couldn't pull away from. 

"Play nice!" Chris hollered after them, and though it was meant to be a joke, Jensen couldn't help noticing the warning. 

It wasn't like he really thought they would get into some type of fight. Jensen could never physically hurt Jared - but the emotional hurt was sometimes so much worse. The door of The Shack squeaked as it fell closed behind them, too loud to Jensen's already frayed nerves. 

"I don't know what I did..." Jared whispered, slowly walking across the parking lot, his feet shuffling over the gravel-covered pavement. "I can't figure out why I've pissed you off so much."

"You didn't do anything." Jensen's heart did that unpleasant clench twist again and he slid a step forward, hovering a few inches back just to be safe. The urge to touch Jared was pressing, overwhelming, but Jensen wasn't sure where they stood. Their entire friendship was up in the air and Jensen hated it. "It's all... it's my fault."

"Is it? Because I mean, it sure doesn't seem like anything really happened. I've spent all week trying to figure it out and I know I'm missing something pretty damn major." Jared finally tore his hands from his pockets and shoved his hands through his hair, spinning quickly to Jensen. "It started after I asked Sandy right? You didn't want me to ask her? Because she said no, so I don't even know why it matters."

"God, it's not- Jared. I'm sorry, okay? I've been stupid about everything I know and I wish I could explain it. But it's... god it's complicated." Jensen was running out of anything plausible to use as an excuse and he knew it. Not to mention the fact that Jensen could never pull off a lie, not when it came to someone who'd known him so long. 

"Complicated is not a reason to give me the fucking cold shoulder for a _week_ , Jensen." Jared's hand flailed out causing Jensen to step back to miss the swing. He'd always loved how passionate Jared could get about things but it wasn't so great being on the receiving end. 

"It was only four days," Jensen muttered, ducking his head when Jared scoffed loudly. "I really am sorry."

"Well you're gonna have to give me more than that. God Jen, do you realize how fucking lonely I've been? You're my best friend-"

"I don't want to be!" Jensen yelled out, interrupting Jared, eyes shooting up long enough to watch the boy's mouth and eyes widen in shock. There was a definite flash of hurt over his features so Jensen continued because that was really the only choice. Might as well go all out, there was no hiding the truth now. "Goddamnit, Jared...you can be so _stupid_ sometimes. It's so fucking obvious I don't know how you've never put it together."

Jared's fingers curled into fists at his sides but Jensen was more caught by the look on his face. It was that adorable, puzzled little look he got whenever he was so close to figuring something out but couldn't quite make it click. It made Jensen's heart twist again. "Would you just spell it out for me already? Because this shit is really starting to-"

"I'm in love with you," Jensen interrupted once more, this time in a quiet rush, the words falling from his lips even as he desperately wished he could pull them back. This time he couldn't make himself look up at Jared, too afraid of the expression on his face; he just pressed on because he had to get it all out and be done with it, even if it meant losing Jared for good. "I was hurt that you wanted to ask Sandy because I wanted you to ask me. And, and even though she said no it made me realize how hard it is to be in love with your best friend for a year and never have him feel the same. So I thought I'd just pull away for a while, get over it, then we'd be better."

"You... what?" Jared was clearly shocked, his voice quiet and breathy, and out of the corner of his eye Jensen could see the familiar slide of fingers through hair. "Holy shit. This is... god I had no idea. This is... _damn it_! Jensen, how could you keep something like this from me?"

Jensen had never tried to guess how Jared might react if he found out the truth about his feelings but he was pretty sure anger never would have come into it if he had. Jensen swallowed thickly and forced his gaze up, unsure by the haywire of emotions on Jared's face. "I didn't want things to change between us. How was I supposed to tell you?"

"You didn't want things to change? I mean, _fuck_ , Jensen, we sleep in the same bed! We share damn near everything! And you just kept this from me?" Jared shook his head roughly and stepped back, holding up a hand when Jensen moved forward to follow. "Just, leave me alone. I need some time. I need to figure shit out."

Watching Jared walk away after Jensen had poured out his entire heart had definitely never been an outcome he'd anticipated. For some reason, Jensen had thought Jared would accept him no matter what, and maybe they wouldn't sleep in the same bed together anymore but they'd still be best friends. He'd definitely never thought Jared would just... leave.

"Jensen?" Danneel's whisper of his name came countless minutes later, after Jared had already slid behind the wheel of his car and driven off in a squeal of tires on pavement. 

Jensen turned slowly and blinked at his group of friends, the four people he'd relied on so many times through every twist and turn in his life. Minus one, the most important one. Jensen opened his mouth to answer but all that came out was a pained sob.


	2. Chapter 2

Part Two

-Jared-

"You wanna talk about it?"

Jared couldn't get his gaze to lift from the scrapbook open on his lap. He'd been staring at it for hours now, too long to count, and every time he blinked all he saw was the crushed, devastated look on Jensen's face right before he'd run away the night before. Now that the shock had settled some, Jared was seeing everything with different eyes. 

"Jared? Baby?" Mama sighed and, pushing off the doorframe, walked slowly over to Jared until she was close enough to reach out and caress his hair. "I'm worried about you."

"I'm okay," Jared shrugged, managing a weak smile up at Mama. "Just... thinking about some things."

Mama hummed softly and nudged Jared back until there was enough room for her to sit beside him on the edge of the bed. Her arm curled slowly around Jared, fingers stroking over his arm, lips pressing to his temple in a gentle kiss. "You know honey, however you feel, no matter what happens, I will always love you with all I am."

That had never really been something Jared was even remotely worried about. The idea of his Mama not loving him anymore because of the way he felt was ridiculous. Still, the very fact that she'd thought to say something like that had Jared's eyes snapping wide open as he turned to face her. 

"What do you mean?" He was almost afraid of her answer. Because he'd spent the entire night - and day afterward - trying to accept that his best friend was in love and he was getting there, it wasn't so shocking anymore. The idea that he could feel the same... Jared wasn't ready to go there yet. 

"You boys always did have a special sort of relationship. I watched you both grow up and learn so much about the world together. Feeling as you do, caring so much, it's almost to be expected."

For some reason the very notion that this would be _expected_ of him made a burst of anger flare through Jared. He pushed away from his Mama and passed across the room, arms flailing out at his sides. "It's not like I'm in love- I don't have these feelings about Chad or Chris. Or Danneel, hell, not even Sandy and I thought I could see myself dating her. And it's not like I really have feelings for Jen... it's... maybe it's just because we're so close. Maybe we just need some time apart."

"So the way he's avoided you all week, that hasn't bothered you at all? You think it's for the best?" Mama folded her arms across her chest, giving Jared a look that was a little too liking for his taste. 

Jared thought about the last five or so days without Jensen and just like that all the anger seeped out of him. With a heavy sigh he turned back to the bed, dropping down on the mattress beside his Mama and letting his head fall to rest on her shoulder. It felt like all the emotions of the last week were pressing down on his shoulders and really, all Jared wanted to do was see Jensen. He wanted to hug the boy, pull comfort from him, lie in bed for hours and talk about everything under the moon. 

It wasn't a secret he missed Jensen, it was the reason he'd gone to The Shack last night even though it was one of the nights he'd usually spend with his Mama. But the way he missed Jensen now was like an ache somewhere deep in his chest, a longing that was practically unbearable. 

"I've never been with anyone Mama," Jared muttered, feeling the flush of heat crawling up his cheeks. This wasn't really the conversation he wanted to have with her, but it wasn't as if he had many options at this point. "How do I know that it's not just... circumstance? How do I know it's not because of all the time we spend together? Because if it's just that, but we get together anyway, and something happens... I can't lose him Mama. I really, really can't. So what if I fuck up our entire lifelong friendship over... god knows what?"

"Jared, what do you think love is, son?" Mama laughed softly and ruffled his hair, nudging Jared back to give him a knowing smile. "You always take that risk of losing someone when you let yourself feel more but that's what makes it all so great. That feeling when you know someone is completely worth all of the risks."

Jared was pretty sure Jensen was worth any risk - if anyone was, it was Jensen - but the idea of losing his best friend was absolutely terrifying. Jared threaded his fingers together and squeezed tightly. "And... if I do think he is, worth the risk I mean, how do I keep it all from falling apart? God, Mama, I'm not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, even I can admit to that."

Mama tipped her head back in a laugh even as she pushed up to stand, ruffling fingers through Jared's hair. "I have this feeling you two will work it out somehow. Considering how Jensen feels about you, pretty sure he'd not about to let you go any time soon."

Jared watched his Mama walk out of his room, wondering just how she'd figured out everything regarding Jensen's feelings. Sometimes when it came to his Mama, it was just better to take her advice, though Jared wasn't entirely sure where to begin fixing things with Jensen.  
-Jared-

It seemed safer to not reach out to Jensen until Monday, until Jared had taken some time to really consider what he was going to say and what he really felt. The plan had seemed really smart, especially when he talked to Mama about it and she spent the entire weekend with him cuddled up on the couch watching some of their favorite movies. 

But by the time he stepped onto the school grounds on Monday morning, he was starting to rethink his decision. Jensen was nowhere to be found, not on the front steps or outside his locker and Jared's heart sank just a little heavier in his chest. Maybe avoiding Jensen hadn't been the right call.

What if he'd fucked everything up because he needed time to figure shit out?

He was just starting to freak out about the possibility that he'd fucked up all of his friendships when he spotted Danneel. Jared blew out a shaky breath and pushed through the crowd, grabbing the girl's arm to keep from losing her in the student mass. 

"God, Dani," Jared exhaled in a rush, gripping the girl even tighter because he didn't think he could handle anyone leaving him. He was desperate for Jensen by this point but he'd take any connection from his friendships that he could get. 

"Jared? Are you okay?" Danneel turned to face him and Jared was relieved to see she didn't look angry. Maybe she'd even understand, if Jared could figure out the right way to explain everything to her. "You never answered my texts this weekend."

"I know. I'm sorry, I was avoiding everyone. That was shitty." Jared slowly released the girl's thin arm and lifted his hand, pushing it back through his hair slowly. "I needed some time to sort myself out."

"I get that. Was kind of a lot." Danneel shut her locker and leaned against the metal, eyes scanning down the hall slowly. "So... did you do it? Get your brain all sorted?"

A slight smile lifted Jared's lips and he shrugged. "I think so. Have you seen Jensen around? I really need to talk to him."

Danneel considered him for a long moment and it felt like she was trying to read his mind. Jared didn't mind, he knew Danneel had a fierce protective streak of Jensen and he couldn't blame her. Jensen deserved to be protected. Finally, a smile lifted the girl's lips and Jared was relieved - and maybe a little surprised - that she could read the emotions behind his eyes. "Last I saw he was out on the bleachers with Sandy."

"Okay, great, I'm just gonna..." Jared gestured toward the school doors, heart kick starting at the very thought of seeing Jensen again. 

God, how had he not realized before that his best friend made him feel this way and of course, it meant something more?

Jensen was perched on the top bench of the stadium bleachers, facing Sandy so all Jared could see was the back of his head. Even that seemed to be enough to make Jared's palms sweat and he swallowed the lump in his throat as he forced himself forward. Jared knew things would be okay between them, as long as he managed to get everything he was thinking out without making anything worse. 

They obviously saw him coming. At least by the time Jared reached the top of the bleachers both were facing him, Sandy's eyes wide and Jensen's guarded and narrowed in a way that made Jared's chest tightening uncomfortably. Jared shoved his hands into his pockets, ducking his head down and rocking forward on the metal bench.

"Hey. Can I um, can we talk for a few minutes? Before class?" Jared thought about adding alone but one quick glance over to Sandy and the girl was jumping up, fumbling for her canvas bag and slinging it quickly up over her shoulder. 

"I'll see you guys at lunch." Sandy dipped down and kissed Jensen's cheek, saying something Jared couldn't hear. She gave Jared a soft smile as she straightened up, squeezing his arm as she passed and jogged down the bleachers. 

Jared turned to watch her go, blowing out a shaky breath before climbing up the last step, slowly dropping to sit on the metal beside Jensen. "So, I kind of freaked out."

"Kind of." Jensen nodded, arms folding across his chest, pulling in on himself. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have just unloaded that all on you like that."

"No, you should have. I needed to know. Hell, I asked what it was all about didn't I?" Jared smiled weakly over at Jensen then looked away, twisting his sweaty fingers together. 

It was silent for a few long, uncomfortable moments and Jared was pretty sure he was about to be sick all over the front of his jeans. Why was did it feel like this between them now? Jared kept coming back to the idea that things between them were ruined forever. He didn't know how to change that.

"I miss you," Jensen whispered just before the silence could reach the point of being overwhelming. 

For whatever the reason, that was enough to cause the last of Jared's lingering nerves to explode. In the next moment, he spun and reached out, gripping Jensen's upper arms hard and dragging him forward. Jared caught just a flash of Jensen's wide eyes before their lips were sealing together, Jensen's still open in shock. 

Jared hadn't really given a lot of thought to what would be his first kiss. It hadn't seemed weird that he'd yet to have one, and it didn't seem all that weird to have it now, with Jensen. No, it actually felt natural. Even if Jensen's lips were still frozen against his and Jared was pretty sure the boy was about to have some major type of freak out. 

Sure enough, a beat later Jensen was shoving back hard, his eyes fluttering a few times as he stared at Jared. "That was not cool."

"No?" Jared's lips felt pleasant and tingling, a smile twitching at the corner though it was probably not a very appropriate time for one. "I thought it was pretty good honestly."

"You can't just fuck around with me like that Jared!" Jensen pressed his fingertips hard into Jared's shoulders, a scowl twisting his lips. "God, that was suck a dick thing to do."

Against Jared's control, the smile grew on his lips and he ducked his head down, trying to catch Jensen's eye. "Jen? I wanted it."

A strangled snort left Jensen's mouth only to cut off a beat later, gaze snapping up to fix on Jared. "You... seriously? No. You're fucking with me."

"Would I really do that?" At the risk at being slapped, Jared reached out and slowly slid his fingers down Jensen's cheek, lingering on his lips for just a moment. "I've thought about it, all weekend really. I thought about whether I wanted this and what it meant if I did and you know what I realized?"

Jensen still looked pretty damn shocked - Jared couldn't blame him - and his Adam's apple bobbed a few times with hard swallows before he managed to speak. "W-what?"

“I've never thought it was weird that I didn't think about girls, didn't want to have a relationship and do all that physical shit. This weekend I realized, it was because of you. I mean, I'd rather spend every minute of every day with you. You're the first person I think about when I wake up and the last one I think of before I fall asleep. This week, you and I not talking, it was probably the most painful thing I've ever gone through but I'm glad for it because it made me realize probably the most important thing ever."

"Oh my god, is this really happening?" Jensen gasped in a breath, his hands fluttering quickly up to his cheeks then dropping like he realized just how ridiculous that looked.

Jared grinned and spun to face Jensen head on, reaching out to frame the boy's flushed cheeks between his palms. "I don't even know how it happened but I am like, crazy in love with you. You're the only person I want to have any kind of relationship with."

"And all the physical shit?" Jensen laughed softly, shifting just a little closer. 

It felt good to laugh with Jensen again, to feel like all the shit that had stirred up between them over the last week was finally fading away, giving way to something so much better. "Oh yeah, definitely all the physical shit."

"You're not gonna change your mind right?" Jensen swayed closer, his nose brushing against Jared's, their lips so close Jared could feel the quickening release of the boy's breath. "If we do something, if we become more, you won't regret it?"

Jared slowly shook his head then dragged Jensen in, crushing their lips together once more. It was completely better than the first time, mostly because Jensen wasn't battling with shock. This time Jensen was reaching out, threading his fingers into Jared's hair and pulling him in even closer so their lips could slide perfectly smooth together. 

A deep moan rose up in Jared and he slid his tongue forward, eager to taste every inch of Jensen's mouth. He'd never really felt the rush of pleasure like he did at that moment, the swirl of heat that rose in the pit of his stomach as Jensen inched closer. It was all these things he hadn't even realized he was missing and it was absolutely perfect.

The distant ring of the morning bell echoed across the schoolyard and Jared smiled into the kiss, knowing Jensen would never be okay with skipping class. Even for something like a pretty damn hot make out session.

"Think you won Chris twenty bucks," Jensen muttered as he pulled back, wetting his red kiss swollen lips. 

Jared tipped his head back in a laugh, pulling Jensen up with him as he stood. His arms around Jensen tightened even as they made their way down the bleachers. The thought of untangling from Jensen didn't even occur to him and Jensen seemed completely okay with that.  
"This is about to be a serious chick flick moment isn't it?" Jensen sighed wearily, detaching reluctantly from Jared and dropping down in his seat. 

"I'm just so happy for you guys!" Sandy cheered happily, reaching out to squeeze Jensen's hand. "I can't help but feel a little responsible. I mean, if Jared hadn't asked me to the dance and all."

"Well maybe we can repay the favor somehow." Jensen grinned at the girl, shooting a look over to Chris who was completely unaware of course that the conversation involved him in any way. 

Jared pressed his leg against Jensen's under the table and it helped counteract the way his heart panged on Sandy's behalf. He definitely understood crushing on someone who didn't feel the same. But then, it seemed to turn out pretty well for him in the long run so there was still hope for Sandy and Chris.

"Man, I am plenty happy for you two but I swear to god I am not putting up with any PDA. You hear me? No kissing. Or goo goo eyes. Or inappropriate groping," Chris grumbled around his mouthful of food. 

Jensen rolled his eyes but Jared only grinned, sliding his fingers over Jensen's denim covered thigh, sliding up just a little too high. "Well then, I guess you better not look under the table at any point in time."

At that, Danneel and Sandy simultaneously ducked under the table in an explosion of giggles while Chris and Chad groaned. Jensen ducked his head down, hiding the blush crawling swiftly up his cheeks. This thing with Jared was going to be a constant whirlwind and Jensen couldn't possibly be more excited. 

-Jared-

"Mama! We're home!" Jared swung the front door open, all but dragging Jensen into the house with him. Their hands were threaded tightly together and Jared couldn't get over the thrill of having Jensen there with him, them being _together_. He wanted to tell everyone, wanted to shout it off the rooftops, but mostly he wanted Jensen alone and in his bedroom where they could explore more of that kissing business. 

"Look at my boys, happy as clams." Mama beamed at them as she entered the room, drying her hands on a dishtowel. For just a moment, her gaze dropped down to their linked hands and Jared was pretty sure her smile widened. "I'm just about to head to work. You two gonna behave here on your own?"

Jared smirked and glanced over, watching the blush growing on Jensen's cheeks. His boyfriend was kind of adorable. _His boyfriend_ , holy shit. "We will Mama, I promise," Jensen murmured, squeezing Jared's hand tightly.

"Alright, just... be safe. And don't think either of you are getting out of a talk later on." Mama shot them both a firm look then tossed the dishrag at Jared with a laugh. 

After they'd both received hugs from Mama and she'd left, Jared exploded in laughter, pulling Jensen in hugging him close. "I think we're gonna get stuck having a sex talk with Mama."

"That sounds downright terrifying." Jensen tightened his arms around Jared, burying his face in Jared's neck.

The hot release of air against Jared's neck was enough to send a shudder of pleasure down his spine and his arms tightened around his boyfriend. "Can we go up to my room now?"

"Um, yes. Definitely. Yeah." Jensen stepped back, smiling up at Jared then looking down, hiding another flush on his cheeks. 

Jared thought the whole Jensen blushing out of control thing was pretty much the most adorable thing ever. They chased each other up the stairs, nervous excitement causing them both to laugh. Jared's hands were starting to shake, which he thought was kind of ridiculous. This was Jensen; it wasn't like they would hurt each other or anything. 

But he'd kind of been building this moment up in his mind all weekend, and all day after their few kisses that morning. He knew they weren't about to go all the way or anything, they definitely weren't ready for that yet, but Jared had been a virgin for seventeen years and he was very ready for that to change.

The moment they stepped into his bedroom he had Jensen pressed up against the wall, backpacks sliding to the floor, lips crushing hard together. Earlier, before school ended, Jared had asked Jensen if he wanted to come over to _work on homework_. Judging from the heat that had been behind Jensen's gaze then, Jared was fairly certain the boy would be okay with anything they decided to do.

"Jay," Jensen gasped into the kiss, lifting his leg and letting it hook around the back of Jared's thigh. "Oh god."

Their tongues tangled together and Jared sucked in the taste of his boyfriend, eager to memorize it. They kissed until their lips were nearly numb and Jared thought his knees were going to give out. He'd never been so hard before, never wanted so badly, and Jared had had some pretty intense wet dreams in th past. None of them could even begin to compare to the way Jensen was making him feel now. 

Countless minutes - hours, maybe - later, they stumbled across the room and finally fell to the bed. Jared kicked out of his shoes, sucking on Jensen's tongue as the boy removed his own sneakers. Every little noise Jensen made was addicting - the soft whimpers, low moans, and quiet pleas - and Jared was pretty sure he would do absolutely everything in his power to hear them as often as possible. 

"Wanna touch," Jensen moaned out after a while, slipping his fingers under Jared's shirt to caress his abs. "God, I can't believe this is happening."

"Kind of feels surreal huh?" Jared laughed shakily, shifting around on the bed until he and Jensen were lying on their sides facing each other. They were both panting heavily, lips swollen, cheeks flushed, and Jared could hardly believe how gorgeous Jensen looked. "Fuck, how did I never figure this out before?"

Jensen grinned, dancing his fingers down to tug on Jared's belt buckle. "You're kind of an idiot sometimes."

"Gee, the love." Jared rolled his eyes but the action faltered when Jensen's fingers dipped under his jeans. He'd thought about this - pretty much non-stop since he'd figured out how he really felt for Jensen - but feeling it was something completely different. 

Jensen's fingers were soft and gentle, creeping slowly further down, slipping under the worn cotton of his briefs. Jared couldn't seem to tear his gaze from Jensen's, lips parted on a heavy pant, desire swirling in the pit of his stomach. By the time Jensen's fingers curled around the base of his cock Jared was pretty sure he was going to come right then and there.

"Fuck, Jensen," Jared gasped, his chest heaving in quick breaths. "You've never... you haven't..." The way Jensen was touching him now was so quickly driving him out of control, Jared couldn't imagine this was the boy's first time. 

Though the very idea made a sick jealousy swim through every inch of him.

"Never. You know I haven't." Jensen wet his lips slowly, eyes traveling down to watch his hand move.

Something about watching Jensen watch him made everything in Jared bubble over. In the next moment, he was pushing forward, lips crushing hard against Jensen's, hands fumbling with the boy's jeans. Their bodies rolled together over the mattress, wrestling down denim and cotton, flesh sliding together between gasps and moans.

Jared wasn't even sure how they managed to get out of their clothing but in the next beat, their naked bodies were pressed together and Jared's cock was sliding against Jensen's. He'd never felt anything like that perfect heat, the radiating heat, flesh on flesh. Jared pulled back from the kiss and slid his hand down between them, stretching to curl over both their cocks and fumbling with the best pace. 

"Oh my god, oh my god," Jensen groaned and dropped his forehead to rest against Jared's, sharing quick panted breaths. "Not gonna- not gonna last, Jared, god."

That was enough to tip Jared over the edge, the deep lust of Jensen's voice sliding like heated fingers down his spine. Jared shuddered and jerked forward, the swell of his release slicking hot and wet between them. His grip around their cocks tightened, his pace slowing, his vision blurring.

When Jensen came, it was with a call of Jared's name, fingers digging hard into Jared's shoulders. Their kisses slowed as the heat of the moment faded, Jared tugging Jensen over to lie on his chest as they settled back on the bed. 

If at any point it got awkward between them, Jared thought it might be now. After all, falling in love with your best friend was one thing but sharing something so physical and intimate? Well, that was something else completely and Jared thought it might be a logical time for a freak out. 

Then Jensen flopped to the side, arm dropping over Jared's chest, and groaned. "You better not have torn any buttons off my shirt. You know how much I like that one."

It was so normal, so Jensen, that Jared felt the potential awkward tension fade away. He snorted a laugh and pressed a loud, noisy kiss to Jensen's shoulder. "Relax, Princess, I'm sure you'll be able to sew it back on."

"Bitch, for that I declare you go get me food. I will relax here and look pretty until you return." Jensen made a big show of reclining back on the back, tucking his arms under his head and looking like he didn't have a care in the world.

Just because he looked so god damn gorgeous, Jared rolled off the bed to head for the kitchen. Even with post orgasm weak knees.  
-Jensen-

The smile on Jensen's lips had been a permanent fixture over the last week, so much so his cheeks were starting to hurt. It was pretty easy not to care about how ridiculous he looked, or to put up with the never ending teasing from their friends. Jensen was happier than he could ever remember being and every moment he spent with Jared just made it all the better. 

Especially in moments like these, settled into their usual booth, Jensen tucked up against Jared's side. The warmth and comfort of their friends' voices surrounded them in a pleasant bubble, and with Jared's fingers settled on his thigh, it was shooting little sparks of pleasure through every inch of him. Jensen couldn't imagine a better way to spend a Friday night. 

"So, how far have you guy's gone?" Danneel asked in a slow drawl, a smirk growing on her lips as she considered Jared and Jensen across the booth.

Jensen's eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly, watching Chris groan, Chad roll his eyes and Sandy perk up expectantly. Judging from the look on Jared's face, Jensen was pretty sure he didn't want his boyfriend answering for him - not if he wanted to keep his blush from staining his entire body and getting even more teased.

"We are not discussing our sex life with you," Jensen protested, elbowing his boyfriend when the boy snickered. 

"Oh, so there _is_ a sex life." Danneel's smirk widened into a full-fledged smile and Sandy squeaked excitedly.

"Come on! Just a few little details. A hint." Sandy tapped her fingers on the tabletop, rocking his shoulder hard against Chris' next to hers. "Help the cause Chris."

"No way. I do not want to hear any details, not even the hint of one." Chris slung his arm over Sandy's shoulder, squeezing her tight.

Jensen watched the way Sandy's eyes flickered up to Chris, the longing clear behind her gaze, and felt tempted to give her all the details he could think of. Maybe it would make her feel better. 

Jared must have felt somewhere along the same because in the next moment Jensen suddenly found the boy's lips crushed against his own. Jensen sank easily into the kiss, drawing Jared even closer so their tongues could tangle together. Kissing Jared was addictive in the best way and he knew it always would be. They'd spent hours over the last week kissing until their lips were numb, and all they could taste was each other. It still was never enough. 

"Alright, alright, enough. Knock it off you two." Chris tossed a fry at them, laughing when Sandy and Danneel rushed to shut him up. 

Pulling away with a soft moan, Jensen let his forehead rest against Jared's, breathing in the boy's panted air. Under the table and out of view Jared's fingers squeezed over Jensen's thigh and a shudder of pleasure shook him all over again.

"Damn, I am not even remotely gay and that was hot. Ugh, you fuckers suck," Chad muttered, sliding a little further out of the booth beside Jared like he might do something crazy if he sat any closer.

Jensen felt the all too familiar blush crawl up his cheeks but he grinned up at Jared - then over at Sandy and Danneel - as his fingers settled over Jared's on his thigh and pushed up just a little higher. "Don't worry Chad, there's absolutely no way I'm sharing."

"My boy is too possessive to even consider that." Jared beamed down at Jensen, pressing another soft kiss to his lips before settling back on the bench. "So Chris, when are you gonna shape up and ask Sa--"

"Jared!" Sandy reached across the table and smacked Jared hard on the arm. 

There was a bright blush on her cheeks, Chris only looked confused, and Jensen shared a look with Danneel before changing the topic. It would spare his boyfriend more abuse from Sandy and keep things from getting potentially awkward. After all, there was no way of knowing how Chris really felt about Sandy and the group had barely gotten past the last relationship blow up.

"Did anyone else hear that Tom Welling got knocked up? Is there any truth to that or is that just some vicious rumor started by everyone jealous of his super God looks?" Jensen knew there was nothing like a good bit of gossip to get the group's mind off Jared's almost slip up.

"It's completely true, I saw him heaving up his nachos in the middle of the bathroom yesterday." Chad laughed, stuffing fries into his mouth, completely unbothered by the discussion of throwing up. Typical Chad.

There was still a puzzled look on Chris' face but Sandy looked relieved by the distraction and she nodded quickly. "Yeah I heard it was true too. Though apparently he won't admit who knocked him up."

"It's funny, I didn't think he'd be one of the ones," Danneel mused around her straw, shoulders lifting in a shrug. "You know, only certain guys can get knocked up or whatever right? He just doesn't seem like the type."

"I'm not really sure it's that cut and dry. I mean, what if every guy has the possibility to get knocked up but that all depends on if they're gay and if they bottom. And if you are those things you get tested and then get on birth control right?" Jared's words made complete sense but Jensen was having a hard time focusing. Mostly because the boy's fingers were inching further and further up, working over the denim until his finger could slide over the rapidly hardening press of his cock. 

"Guess that means you better go get some pills Jenny," Chris teased and laughed, reclining back in the booth. 

Jensen wasn't so bothered about this particular teasing. Because the idea of bottoming for Jared? Well it was enough to cause his cock to twitch painfully and Jared press just a little firmer.

-Jensen-

"You've been awful happy lately honey, things are better with Jared I take it?"

Jensen jumped, looking up from the sink where he'd been scrubbing dishes. Instinctively his shoulders lifted, hunching in hopes that his mom wouldn't see the dark bruise just at the bottom of his neck. He had warned Jared not to give him a hickey, he'd even gone so far as to threaten him with no kissing if he did, but Jared knew he was too persuasive for Jensen to stick to that. And now there was a dark circle bruise that couldn't be excused to a curling iron - thank you very much Danneel.

"Um yeah, we're good now. Better. Yeah." Jensen blushed and turned back to the dishes, smile growing on his lips. Better was an understatement. Jensen had spent the entire weekend with Jared. Which was nothing new, they usually always spent weekends together and with their friends, but this time it involved kissing and touching and sleeping together naked. 

Yeah, definitely better than good.

"Well that's good, I'm glad to hear it." His mom crossed the kitchen and began lifting dishes, drying them and considering Jensen with sideways glances.

Jensen let a few minutes pass in silence - just the clink of dishes and the splash of water - before sighing and looking up at his mom. "What?"

"It's like there's something different about you. Almost like you're glowing... something more you want to tell me?" Her smile was a little knowing and Jensen almost dropped the dish in his hands.

It wasn't that he thought his mom would freak out over his loving Jared like he did - they loved Jared too, in their own way - but they definitely wouldn't understand, and they certainly wouldn't be like Mama who insisted that they be safe and careful but let them stay in the same room because she knew they'd find ways to be together regardless. Mama was always welcoming and accepting and Jensen's parents... they were just a little more conservative was all.

"You're seeing someone aren't you?" His mom finally pressed when Jensen failed to provide any sort of answer. Her hands clasped together in excitement and Jensen was a little scared of the twinkle in her eyes. "Oh who is it honey? Is it Danneel? That girl always did seem really fond of you."

Jensen cringed - he loved Danneel but god, they would not work out well together - and shook his head. "No. No Mom, it's not Danneel. She's just my friend."

"Oh, okay." His mom deflated for a moment - like she'd been picturing Jensen and Danneel together and how cute they could be - before smiling and continuing on. "Well who is she then? Have I met her? You should invite her over."

All the hers were grating at Jensen's nerves and he swallowed thickly, keeping his gaze focused on the dishes in case his mom somehow managed to figure out all the little truths just by looking at him. He didn't want to lie, he wanted to tell his mom how happy Jared made him and how he'd never been more in love with anyone, but he was scared. And he wanted to keep Jared as his own, for a little while at least.

"I'm just not ready to share yet, okay mom?" Jensen asked softly, looking up at her finally and hoping she could understand this much at least. "I really... really care about this person and I just want to enjoy it for a little while. Okay?"

She considered him for too many long tense minutes and Jensen thought that maybe she really had learned to read his mind. But then her smile returned and she reached out to pull him into a hug. "As long as you're being careful honey, and that you're happy, that's all that matters to me."

"I am mom, on both accounts." Jensen pulled back from the hug to smile up at his mom. There was a sinking feeling in his gut, like a warning that something bad was about to happen, but he pushed it away. 

After all, his parents would love him no matter what; he was pretty sure about that. Pretty sure.  
-Jared-

It was remarkably hard to stay focused on his homework when Jensen was sitting there like that, sucking on the bottom end of his pen, glasses perched on his nose. God, Jensen was always so damn sexy with those glasses on, Jared should really try to convince him to wear them more often. Contacts were overrated. 

Jared was pretty sure the homework in front of him wasn't all that important, so watching his boyfriend was completely justified. _His boyfriend_. It may have already been two weeks but the term was no less thrilling than it had been the first time he'd thought it. Dating Jensen really wasn't all that much different from being his best friend except now their free time included extended make out sessions and hands shoved down the front of jeans.

It was a win/win all around. 

When Jensen's tongue flicked out to slide over the bottom of his pen, Jared moaned from the back of his throat. Jensen slowly looked up at him, eyebrows arching in time with the smirk growing on his lips. "Something up Jay?"  
“Fuck, you seriously have no idea how hot you are, do you?" Jared slid off the edge of the bed, crawling forward on his knees. 

Jensen spun in the computer chair, letting his legs fall open so Jared could settle in between. Almost instantly, Jensen's fingers were carding through Jared's hair, tugging softly on the smooth golden locks. "I know how hot you make me, does that count?"

"Possibly," Jared murmured, dipping in to kiss his way down the perfect curve of Jensen's neck. "Wish I would have figured shit out earlier. We could have been doing this for a long time."

"No point in regretting the past, we have it now right and that's all that matters." The way Jensen's head dipped back to provide even more access to his steadily flushing skin sent a rush of power through Jared. Just knowing he could affect Jensen in any way made his already hard cock twitch in his jeans. 

"Mm, you're right." Jared slipped his fingertips under the bottom of Jensen's shirt, pushing the fabric up enough to caress the smooth heat of flesh. "You know what I want to do?" He spoke against the fleshy earlobe, dragging his teeth along the skin.

Jensen moaned deeply, his body rocking up into the heat of Jared's fingers moving over his skin. "Don't care, anything you want."

Smirking at his boyfriend, Jared tugged hard on Jensen's shirt, tossing it across the room a beat later. So far, there had been a lot of touching - nearly every day, exploring each other's bodies with gently sweeping fingertips - but now Jared was ready for a little bit more. In all truth, Jared was probably ready for everything because why should they wait? It wasn't like they didn't know absolutely everything about each other. 

But he wanted to learn some of the more physical stuff about Jensen - like this sound here, the gaspy plea that slipped from Jensen as Jared worked his pants open. Jensen was slouched down in the chair, legs spread wide, hips lifting long enough for Jared to drag his jeans and boxers to his knees. 

For a long moment, Jared was caught on the sight of Jensen's swollen flesh, the delicious red curve and forming drop of pre-come. Then his curiosity won out and he was dipping down, lapping up the taste of his boyfriend. The loud moan that rose from Jensen this time was better than any Jared had yet to hear, making his heart pick up speed in his chest.

"Oh god, please Jared," Jensen moaned out the words in that deep rich way that made Jared's body tingle. "Suck me."

That was about all the begging Jared could handle. He let his lips part wide and sank down over Jensen's cock, sucking the boy in as far as he could. It wasn't very much but it seemed to be enough to do the trick. Jensen was constantly squirming in the chair, his fingers pulling and tugging at Jared's hair to encourage him on. It was the hottest thing Jared had ever experienced and, considering all the touching they'd done in the last couple of weeks, that was really saying a lot.

"Jared, Jared," Jensen chanted his name roughly, his nails digging into Jared's scalp and dragging over the skin. "Jesus, your mouth, amazing."

The taste of Jensen's flesh exploded across his taste buds and Jared moaned, bobbing slowly along the hard length of him. Jared hadn't spent a whole lot of time imagining sucking someone's cock but he was pretty sure this was perfect. He could see so easily how he could get addicted to this, to the feel of Jensen's cock sliding over his tongue and the salty smear of pre-come over his tongue. 

Just about the time Jared was really starting to get into the groove, the feel of heated flesh sliding between his lips, Jensen tugged at his hair and called out a warning about being close. Jared pulled back just enough so he didn't have to worry about choking and relaxed his throat, bracing himself for the rush of Jensen's release. 

It was hot and spicy, sliding along his tongue and down his throat. Jared swallowed thickly and closed his eyes, savoring the burst of pleasure and the way his cock ached in his jeans. Talk about a rush of power. 

Pulling back, Jared sat on his heels and chased the taste on his lips, smirking up at Jensen who was currently sinking bonelessly into the computer chair. "So how was that?"

"Fan-fucking-tastic," Jensen groaned, snagging Jared's shirt collar and dragging him close. Their lips slid together in hard glides, tongues tangling, bodies colliding as Jensen all but fell out of the chair and collapsed onto him. 

It was pretty safe to say they weren't going to get any homework done any time soon.


	3. Chapter 3

-Jensen-

The Back to School dance was on Jared and Jensen's ninteenth day anniversary. Not that he was keeping track of the days or anything. Despite joking around about spending the night completely alone and in their nice suits, the boys were meeting up with their friends for dinner before heading off to the gym for what was sure to be an entertaining evening. 

Jensen was nearly buzzing with excitement as he paced around his room, waiting for Jared to pick him up. They hadn't really gone on any sort of official date since getting together. Sure, they were together with their friends, they didn't try to hide their relationship in any way, but this was something different. This felt like a real date.

"So what time is Jared picking you up?" Mackenzie asked from the doorway, leaning against the wood with one of those knowing smiles. 

She was barely thirteen but sometimes Jensen felt like she was wise beyond her years. Like now, when there was so much more being said behind her simple question. "He should be here soon. We're meeting up with the group at the restaurant."

"Right. So you know mom and dad are totally gonna freak when they find out about you two right?" Despite the glint of excitement in her words - having something to hold over her brother's head, she had to love that - Mackenzie kept her question quiet and slid further into the room. 

Jensen's brows pulled together and he turned back to the mirror, ignoring that familiar sinking in his chest. He did know that his parents were going to freak out but he'd kind of been hoping he was being paranoid. Like maybe, they'd suddenly embrace their gay son and his lifelong best friend-turned-boyfriend despite all their religious beliefs. 

"But he's worth it," Mackenzie murmured and she was closer now, leaning into Jensen's side and laying her head on his shoulder. "He makes you so happy, Jen; I can see it all over your face. And so, no matter how much they freak and stuff, you'll hold on to him right?"

Of that, Jensen was absolutely certain. No one was more important than Jared was, and no one would ever make him as happy. His arm slid around Mackenzie and he turned to press a kiss to her temple. "Absolutely. I can't imagine anyone better."

"There's my favorite girl." Jared all but glided into the room, a wide grin on his lips. "Come give me a hug."

Mackenzie blushed and Jensen didn't blame her. It was hard not to feel the little rush of a thrill when Jared turned all his attention on you like that. Especially when Jared was looking so damn gorgeous in his crisp suit, hair slicked back, long lean body outlined and framed in the best of ways. Mackenzie crossed the room and stepped into Jared's embrace and Jensen scoffed in pretend annoyance.

"Oh I see who you really love," Jensen muttered and turned away. "Might as well go to the dance by myself."  
"Come on baby, you know who my heart really belongs to." Jared smirked and did that little glide again, pulling Jensen into his arms.

Even though his eyes flickered over to the doorway - just in case his parents were there watching - Jensen let their lips brush softly together. Jared was worth the risks.  
-Jared-

Jared paused mid-crunch, his spoon still hovering near his mouth as he turned his gaze to the bag that had just been dropped unceremoniously on the kitchen table, then up to his Mama who was walking to the fridge. It wasn't all that unusual for Mama to provide him random gifts - sometimes she felt guilty about working so many overnight shifts and though Jared had insisted it was alright, she still tried to butter him up - but usually the gifts came in something a little more flashy than a drugstore shopping bag.

Swallowing the soggy lump of Lucky Charms, Jared slowly set his spoon back in the bowl and reached out for the bag. "Alright... candy stash? I have been running--" Jared cut off with a strangled inhale as he opened the bag and spotted the bottle inside.

A big box of condoms and a brand new bottle of lube.

"Shit," Jared exhaled around his choked cough, ducking his head down to hide the way his face flushed brightly. "Mama!"

“Now look Jared, I may be your Mama but I'm not so old that I don't remember what it was like being a teenager. You've got all these pent up desires and urges and you and Jensen are bound to--"

"Whoa. Okay, okay. I really, _really_ would rather not talk about Jensen and my... pent up _desires_. God. I haven't even finished my breakfast." Jared twisted the bag closed and pushed it away as if that could stop the churn of thoughts rising up in him.

It was mortifying to think of Mama buying these things for them - condom and lube, Jesus Christ - but the spark of warmth it curled in the pit of his stomach was so much worse. The last things he needed were those so called pent up desires and urges to take form, giving him mental images of exactly what Jensen and he could do with those things, while trying to have any sort of conversation with his Mama.

The woman just laughed and poured herself a glass of juice. "Okay baby, we don't have to talk about it. But I want you two to be safe. I'm sure Jensen's parents have had the same conversation with him."

That was enough to wipe away any particular _desires_. He kept his gaze pointedly fixed away and tucked into his cereal once more, forcing the food down even if he wasn't all that hungry anymore.

"Jared..." Mama sighed a little too knowingly, leaning against the counter and considering Jared. "Do Jensen's parents know about you two?"

"Mama, you know how the Ackles are." Jared shrugged, looking up at Mama then away again because it was safer. "We're still really new, Jensen and I. We've decided it's better to just... keep it between a few people for now." 

Jared kept his head ducked down but it didn't matter; a moment later Mama was there and stroking his hair soothingly. "You boys may have a hard road ahead of you. But you know I will always support and love you both, no matter what happens."

"I know, Mama." Jared leaned into her caress, eager for the comfort it provided him. He'd been worrying a little more than he'd admit about Jensen's parents and the way they were going to react about them. "If it gets bad Mama... if something happens to Jensen--"

"Nothing will happen to that boy. You know he's just as much my boy as you are." Mama ducked down and kissed his forehead, smoothing his hair back one final time before turning back to the kitchen. 

Jared's heart warmed at Mama's words and he grinned around his next bite of Lucky Charms. The grin stretched to something even wider when the sound of the door opening echoed through the house. Jared lifted his bowl and drained the rest of the milk and cereal, eyeing Jensen over the edge. 

"Morning Mama, morning Jared." Jensen beamed at them both, carrying a drink holder and offering a coffee to Mama then turning to bring Jared his. "How are my two favorite people on this lovely day?"

"How many cups of coffee have you had already?" Jared considered his boyfriend with a smirk, grasping his cup and sipping down the burning liquid. 

"Oh, you know, a couple." Jensen laughed and shrugged, turning toward Mama as she stepped in to kiss his cheek. 

"Well, I for one love you all happy and cheery and providing me coffee. You two have a good day at school." Mama dipped in to hug Jared once more, heading out of the kitchen in the next moment. 

Jared rose from the table and went to wash his bowl, wondering if they'd have time to steal a few private moments before heading to school. Despite the earlier incident with Mama and the present he hadn't been anticipating, he couldn't resist the desire to get his hands all over his boyfriend. 

"Hey what's- oh my fucking god," Jensen squeaked loudly, the plastic rustling as Jensen looked in the bag. 

Shit. Jared realized he really should have moved the bag. He spun around and stared at his boyfriend, his eyes wide. "Mama thought we should have them. To be safe, you know? I mean, in the future. Just, in case."

"Mama bought us... condoms. And lube. Holy fucking shit. That's- it's like- good god." Jensen pressed his fingers over the flush on his cheeks, closing his eyes and inhaling shakily. 

Jared had to roll his lips together to keep from bursting into laughter. Okay, he completely understood the freak out but Jensen always did tend to be on the dramatic side. Striding across the kitchen, Jared sank to his knees in front of his boyfriend, massaging his thighs and dipping in to kiss his lips softly. "It's okay, that doesn't have to mean... we're still taking things at our pace, okay? So if you're freaking out--"

"Mama bought us _condoms_ , Jared!" Jensen looked up swiftly, a near hysterical laugh falling from his lips. "I am not freaking out about us fucking because _duh_ , of course I want that, but the idea of Mama buying _that_ for us. It's like, she might as well have bought us a porno!"

Huffing a laugh, Jared sat back and shook his head, sliding fingers up through his hair. "Actually, I'm pretty sure the porno would have been less embarrassing."

Jensen continued to mutter quietly, shaking his head as he stood and they gathered up their things for school. Jared hastily tucked the bag in a drawer - he was pretty sure Jensen would freak out again if he took it to his room now - and followed Jensen out of the house, a smirk growing on his lips.

"So, us fucking huh?" Jared bumped into Jensen's shoulder, tugging his keys from his pocket. "That something you've been thinking about a lot?"

That sweet little flush crawled up Jensen's cheeks once more and Jared's stomach churned with that pleasant burst of warmth and desire.  
-Jensen-

A deep moan rose up Jensen's throat and he arched into the heat of Jared's touch, closing his eyes as he squirmed impatiently. Over the last month, they had plenty of pleasure filled moments and this was definitely no different, though maybe a little more intense. They'd been building up to more, exploring each other's bodies, learning the taste and feel and the best way to bring out those moans.

Jensen was completely addicted to Jared more than he ever had been before and he was fairly certain Jared felt exactly the same. Maybe they were just lucky; having grown up together, they were already best friends. Transitioning from that to a physical relationship was easy. And tonight they were home alone. Jensen was tired of taking things slow.

"Jared," Jensen groaned and tugged on his boyfriend's hair, pulling him up from the place he was settled between Jensen's legs. "Want more."

"More?" Jared pushed up, panting softly as his fingers traced the inside of Jensen's thighs. "Like... what kind of more?"

"I want..." Jensen swallowed thickly and wet his lips, spreading his legs just a little wider. He wasn't really nervous, he trusted Jared, but this was the final step for them. Jensen would be giving the last little bit of himself to Jared now and he'd never get that back if something happened between them. "I want you to fuck me."

Jared's eyebrows lifted at that, his fingers drawing to a stop. He considered Jensen silently for a minute before slowly grinning. "Yeah? You sure?"  
"Mostly definitely." Jensen nodded, squirming back to reach out and grab the bottle of lube in the nightstand drawer. It brought a laugh to Jared's lips and Jensen rolled his eyes. "Let's really not discuss it. I would much rather talk about your fingers in me."

"Or we could not talk at all and I could just show you." Jared snatched up the bottle and flicked the cap open. 

Jensen had only circled his hole a few times out of curiosity. He'd kind of always wanted Jared to be the first to slip a finger inside him. When it came, Jensen was surprised by the stretch and flare of heat. It didn't really sting, was more just something different, stretching him open in a way he'd never been before. 

"Oh god," Jensen gasped and dug his heels into the mattress, rocking his body back onto Jared's finger working slowly in and out of him. "Jared, yes, god. Want more. Need another."

"Jesus, Jen, didn't realize you'd be such a little whore for it." Jared groaned softly, slowly inching a second finger in beside his first. "You have no fucking clue how hot this is to watch."

Jensen could guess, judging from the way a flush crawled up Jared's cheeks and the quickening of his breath. And it sure felt pretty hot, Jared's fingers spreading apart within him, stretching the muscle in a way he'd never felt. He'd thought about this, for longer than he could maybe even admit to, but it had never been this perfect in his fantasies. Which was kind of shocking to think about.

"Want you," Jensen moaned and squirmed on the bed, eager for more of that stretch, that feel of connection between them. 

By the time Jared was working a third finger into him, Jensen was pretty sure he was going to come from this alone. In fact, he wasn't even sure how he'd managed to last this long. But he didn't want to lose that control until Jared was in him. It seemed more important than anything else so his grip on Jared's hair tightened and he pulled hard, causing Jared to hiss softly. 

"Come on Jared, no more waiting." Jensen's lips pursed into something a little too close to a pout, hips shifting impatiently along the soft blanket beneath him. "You now."  
“Alright, alright, god you're needy." Jared smirked down at Jensen but pulled his fingers free, shifting up to snag the bottle of lube once more. "How should we? For our first time I mean."

“Just like this. I wanna see..." Jensen didn't think there was any extra blood left in his body to fuel the flush crawling up his cheeks but he looked away just in case. This meant so much to Jensen, he wasn't sure he could even explain it all to Jared. 

Apparently, he didn't have to. In the next moment, Jared was in movement, lining himself up at Jensen's entrance and shifting into place above his body. Their eyes met and Jensen's breath hitched, staring up at Jared as the nerves kicked up and his heart clenched. Jensen swallowed thickly and reached out, tracing his fingers down Jared's jaw.

"I love you so much," Jared whispered and dipped down to let their lips brush gently together before he was moving forward.

It was strange at first, the feeling of Jared sinking into him. Full and thick, spreading him wide with more warmth than he'd expected. Jensen bit down on his bottom lip and held completely still, breathing slowly through his nose as Jared sank completely down into him. The connection was overwhelming, even with the stretch Jensen had never properly imagined. 

"Holy fucking shit," Jared groaned and let their foreheads rest together. "This is so... it's so... god Jen, too much."

"Feels good?" Dragging his tongue slowly over his lips Jensen tipped up just slightly, wanting to adjust the feel of Jared in him, to see how amazing it could be.

"So fucking good." In the next moment, Jared pulled out a few inches, hesitating before rocking back in. 

The stretch and burn weren't all that uncomfortable any more. Of course, having Jared there over him, pressed so tightly his cock kept rubbing against Jared's smooth abs, only adding to the overload of sensations. A low moan built in Jensen as Jared's pace increased, growing with more confidence. Once more Jensen was squirming on the bed, shifting until he could lift his legs and wrap them around Jared's thin frame, pulling him in even deeper. 

Their lips crushed together in a hard kiss as Jared pulled back and thrust hard forward, working their bodies together in hard thrusts. When their angle changed Jared's next thrust landed right up against that pleasure spot in Jensen and he moaned loudly into the kiss, the noise instantly swallowed up by Jared. 

Jensen lost track of time, the world fading away as Jared fucked into him steadily. He couldn't catch his breath, vision blurring until he had no choice but to pull back from the kiss, sucking in deep desperate lungsful of air. Jensen's fingers had found their way to Jared's hair once more, tugging at the silky locks, hips constantly rocking up to meet each thrust deep into him. 

"Jensen, Jen, m'gonna, I gotta," Jared gasped into his mouth, lips sliding down along Jensen's neck. "C'mon, come with me. Fuck."

"God. Yes, Jared." Jensen arched up liked Jared's words were warm fingers stroking steadily over his cock. The next handful of thrusts hit right up against that spot over and over and Jensen couldn't hold on any longer. 

His toes curled as the burst of his release swelled through him, making his skin tingle and his eyes squeezing shut. The call of Jared's name left his lips - loud enough he was grateful for the fact that Jared's house was empty - echoed around them and his fingers dug hard into Jared's scalp, holding on like it was the only thing grounding him. 

Jensen was so caught up in his release he didn't even realize Jared had hit his own peak until the boy was collapsing on his chest, body heaving with deep breaths. Jensen squirmed against heavy weight pressing down on him, a faint smile twitching across his lips. His fingers stroked slowly through Jared's hair, the touch soothing and soft. 

It was perfect to relax in the pleasure of the moment, savoring everything that had just passed between them. They would never been the same after this moment, more connected then any two people could ever be. The smile on Jensen's lips grew and his heart swelled in the absolute best ways.

Until, of course, Jared abruptly tensed above him and slowly pushed up and pulled back, slipping free of Jensen's throbbing hole. "Shit. I totally fucking forgot."

"What?" Jensen frowned, turning to follow as Jared flopped to the side of the bed, his hand dropped over his still flushed face. "Forgot what?"

"A condom," Jared groaned and dragged his hand down, peering at Jensen over his fingers. "Was too caught up in the moment... didn't even think about it."

Jensen rolled his lips together, remembering just why those condoms were bought in the first place. Be _safe_. Well, they were. It wasn't like they were out fooling around with every kid in their school. "It was both our first times, we're both clean, why should it really matter?"

"What if you get pregnant?" Jared pushed up onto his elbows, considering Jensen with arched brows. 

"We don't even know if I can. I mean, no matter what the studies might say it's not like every guy who has unprotected sex gets pregnant, or even girls for that matter. What is the likelihood I would actually get pregnant on our very first time? We'll use one next time, until I can get on the pill or something." Jensen shrugged and dropped back on the bed.

Maybe he shouldn't be dismissing it so easily; he supposed the possibility really was out there that he could get pregnant, but it didn't seem all that likely. They'd be safe in the future and Jensen would never regret feeling skin on skin for their very first time. 

"Okay well... if you're not worried then I guess I won't either." Jared settled back on the bed, snuggling up against Jensen's side and gently kissing his shoulder. "It was pretty damn amazing."

"Yeah. It definitely was."  
-Jared-

Chad and Danneel were singing along to the radio - badly, off key and too loud - and in the rear view mirror Jared could see Sandy and Chris talking in quiet whispers, pressed closely side by side. Jared's eyebrows arched and he turned to glance over at Jensen, wondering what his boyfriend thought of their friend's interactions. Only his boyfriend wasn't looking his way.

"Jen? You okay?" Jared reached out and squeezed Jensen's thigh, rubbing softly over the smooth cotton of costume pants. The boy had been pretty quiet so far tonight, but with the excited buzz of the rest of the group, Jared hadn't really thought about it. Now that he did, it was impossible to miss the way Jensen's smile wasn't as full and bright as it usually was. "What's up?"

"Just not feeling so good." Jensen shrugged, turning toward Jared and letting their fingers thread together. "Kinda feel queasy."

"Were you getting into Mama's candy stash Jensen? You're supposed to wait until _after_ the Haunted House." Danneel leaned forward, dropping her elbows on the seats to peer at them. "No throwing up on the actor's."

Jared watched out of the corner of his eye - gaze flickering between the road and his boyfriend - as Jensen's lips twitched in a faint smile. "I'm not going to throw up on anyone. I don't know, maybe I just have that bug going around or something."

“What bug going around?" Sandy finally pulled her attention from Chris, inching forward to squeezing in beside Danneel. "You can't be sick Jensen, it's Halloween! We'd just look stupid without a Scooby."

At that, a full smile pulled at Jared's lips. Every year their Halloween costumes somehow fit together. Like the year they were all Power Rangers. Or the year they'd all dressed as Nintendo characters. One of Jared's favorites had been the year they were all Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with Danneel as April O'Neil. 

This year, after much debate, they'd decided to go as Scooby-Doo and crew. Jensen was Scooby-Doo, completely with dog ears and brown paint artfully decorating his features courtesy of the girls. Jared was Shaggy - which made sense in a perverted way - Danneel was Daphne, Sandy was Thelma, and Chad was Fred. Chris, who always tended to complain about their costume choices and generally hated dressing up, was a man in the disguise of a monster. They had to have someone to be investigating after all. 

Jensen laughed softly and reached out to pat Sandy's hand. "I'll be fine I promise. And if I have to bail, we'll just make Chris take over the Scooby costume."

"As if," Chris grunted and slumped hard back in the seat.

The conversation drifted on to other things now that the girls were convinced that Jensen wasn't going to leave them hanging Scooby-less. But Jared's gaze kept drifting over to his boyfriend, trying not to show concern. The paint covering his features made it impossible to decipher how his boyfriend might be feeling and Jared found that strangely unsettling. After all, he'd spent the last almost two months learning Jensen in a completely different way and he'd come to rely on that. 

"Jay, I'm _fine_ , I swear." Jensen murmured as if he were reading Jared's mind. Maybe he'd spent all this time learning Jared just as well. "'Sides, it's not like you'd let anything happen to me no matter what right?"

"Of course, I wouldn't. But, you'll let me know right? If you need to sit down or need some water or want me to take you home, whatever you need." Jared's grin grew as he glanced to the side once more and saw the soft glow behind Jensen's bright eyes. 

Jensen leaned across the seat and pressed his lips to Jared's shoulder; neither really caring if any of the face paint smeared on Jared's green shirt. "You're the best. Now hurry up and get us there, I can't handle any more of their off pitch whaling."

"Fuck you! We're amazing. We should start a band!" Chad hollered and the car filled with laughter even as Jared's foot pressed just a little harder on the pedal.

-Jensen-

Whatever flu bug Jensen picked up, he was officially over it. His entire body was aching and he found himself suddenly queasy at the most inconvenient times - like yesterday, in the middle of kissing a path down Jared's body to his eagerly waiting rock hard cock. Jensen had just barely made it to the bathroom when his stomach suddenly churned. And that had effectively killed the mood.

Now he was staring down at his dinner, swallowing the rising taste of bile. It had been bad enough the week before when he couldn't even keep down some of his favorite Halloween candies - and throwing up Skittles was one of the worst things he'd ever experienced - but to miss out on his mom's lasagna because he couldn't even handle the smell? That fucking sucked.

"Jensen, still not feeling well?" Dad asked around a mouthful of cheese and meat. 

Jensen glanced up long enough to watch the mushy mess appear for just a moment in his dad's mouth before he quickly looked away and shook his head. "No, not really. Feels like I'll never shake whatever it is I've caught."

Maybe you're pregnant," Mackenzie mumbled, almost instantly snorting on a laugh. 

"Mack, knock it off, that's not even funny." Mom huffed like the very idea offended her delicate sensibilities.

Jensen, however, suddenly couldn't swallow around the lump in his throat. For some reason the thought hadn't even crossed his mind as a possibility though it probably should have. Because there was that first time, his and Jared's, and the protection they hadn't used. Ever since then they'd been safe but they'd learned about this in Health class not all that long ago. All it took was one time.

The unexplained illness of the last week and a half suddenly didn't seem all that unexplained. Weren't these all the signs of pregnancy? Queasiness, aching body, heightened senses. 

"Oh, my god," Jensen whispered and pushed back from the table, clamping his hand hard over his mouth and rushing down the hall. He barely made it to the bathroom in time. 

By the time he'd managed to stop dry heaving, there were tears in his eyes and Jensen practically collapsed back on the bathroom floor. He was so fucked, so beyond fucked it wasn't even funny. How could he be so stupid as to think one time wouldn't matter in the long run? Jensen had known better. 

"Jensen?" Mom stepped slowly into the room, her brows pulled together in that way she got whenever he was about to be in trouble. "Something you want to tell us?"

His gaze drifted over to his dad - whose face was all red and _shit_ \- before dropping to the ground. He didn't want to have this conversation now, not before he'd even had the chance to talk to Jared about everything. His boyfriend needed to know, to understand _before_ , because Jensen was pretty sure his parents weren't above doing something really, really bad.

What if they shipped him off somewhere? Some private school for young knocked up gay boys where they could have their babies and be taught not to be gay all at the same time? Did places like that exist?

"Jesus Christ it's _true_ ," Dad spat, clearly losing out on his anger. "How the fuck did you let this happen? What the hell were you thinking?"

"Alan, calm down, let's just... come on Jensen, get up, let's go talk about this in the living room. I'll get you some Sprite and saltine crackers." Mom stooped down to helped Jensen up, guiding him down the hallway with enough comfort to soothe Jensen some. 

Maybe they wouldn't ship him off after all.

By the time he'd settled on the couch with the Sprite and crackers, his dad's face wasn't nearly as red and his parents seemed a little less angry. That was promising and Jensen nibbled almost gratefully on his crackers. Of course, it was too good to last.

"Does Jared know?"

Jensen almost choked on his Sprite. He coughed a few times then slowly shook his head, fingers gripping his cup tightly. "I um, actually didn't really figure it out until a few minutes ago. Just thought I was sick."

“I see. Well, we'll have to discuss this with Sherri." Mom sighed and rubbed along her arm slowly. "We'll need Jared's cooperation to put the baby up for adoption."

This night felt like one blow after another. Jensen's mind was still reeling over the whole _being pregnant_ thing. There was a baby growing in him, his and Jared's baby, and apparently his parents seemed to think there was no option but to give it away. "Adoption? What if I want to keep it? The baby. What if Jared and I decided to keep the baby?"

That red anger was crawling across Dad's cheeks again, and Jensen flinched like the man might reach out and smack him. He was pretty sure the man wouldn't, but still. "You're not going to keep the baby. _Jesus_ , Jensen you're seventeen years old. You haven't even finished high school. You weren't even smart enough to use protection and you've been lying to your mother and me. What about any of that makes you think you're qualified to have a child?"

Jensen wanted to protest the whole lying thing and being qualified - this child was his and _Jared's_ , he'd give him or her anything they needed - but he could tell arguments would only get him so far. He needed some time to accept everything. "How did you know? About Jared and me, I mean?"

"You two have always spent so much time together and I know Sherri leaves you alone quite often. It was just a matter of time before you two started... experimenting with each other." Mom shifted uncomfortably. 

The fact that his parents seemed to think the thing between him and Jared was simply experimenting caused all those arguments to rise up in Jensen once more, and this time he lost out on them. "We're not experimenting! We're... we're in a relationship, we have been for over two months. I love him, I'm _in love_ with him and this baby is a product of that. I don't think I can just dismiss all of that."

"Jensen, you're _seventeen_ ," Dad drew out the word like he hadn't used it as his rationale just a few minutes before. "You don't even know what love really is and you certainly don't know the responsibility it takes to have a child. What about college? What about your dreams of having a career? Are you ready to just give that all up?"

"Honey," Mom tried for a softer tone, glancing warily at Alan then back at Jensen with a sympathetic smile. "We're not saying that you and Jared can't be in love... you've known each other a long time and it's understandable. But there is no reason you boys need to throw away your future like this. Think of all the freedom you'd be giving up."

Putting it that way, Jensen could understand his parent's points. They would be giving up all their freedom, their futures would definitely be put on hold, and what if something happened with the baby that caused him and Jared to fall apart? Jensen couldn't handle the idea of anything damaging their relationship. 

Still... someone else raising their baby? A baby created out of love and trust and a lifelong friendship?

"I just think maybe we could handle it, Jared and I. This is... I'm about a month along I guess. Which means by the time the baby is born we'll both have graduated, I'll be over eighteen. Jared and I could get a place, we could make it work." Jensen twisted his fingers slowly around the cup of Sprite, trying not to think about all the possibilities. 

"You're not keeping this baby Jensen and that's final." Mom finally sounded as upset as Jensen knew she was. "As long as you live here, as long as you're still our child, we're not letting you keep this baby."

There was some kind of threat under laced with the words; Jensen's heart sank and his stomach churned in a way that had nothing to do with the new life growing in him.

"Now, get your shoes and coat. We're going over to the Padaleckis. The sooner we get this business taken care of the better." Mom and Dad stood at once, the figurative door on the conversation closing. 

Jensen forced himself up and to his room, tugging his phone from his pocket. This wasn't the type of conversation he wanted to have with his parents right there too; it was something he and Jared should discuss in private. But apparently his decision in that matter was being taken away as well.

**Jensen:** _coming over with the parents. brace urself._

"Jensen! Let's go!"

Tugging his coat on slowly Jensen closed his eyes and let his fingers flutter briefly over his temporarily flat stomach. Soon it would be full and round, housing a child he would never get to know.  
-Jared-

When the text had popped up Jared's brows had furrowed but a smile had lifted his lips. The idea of seeing Jensen was worth whatever drama might come as a result of it. Of course, there was no real way of anticipating what exactly that might be. 

"Oh, hello Donna, Alan, it's nice to see you." Mama was grinning, polite and sweet like she always was. Jared wasn't entirely sure if Mama really liked Jensen's parents but she always treated them pretty well. 

Sometimes it was a little challenging to think nicely of the Ackles.

"Sherri, it has been a while. Unfortunately, we're not here with very good news. May we sit please?" Donna clutched tightly to her purse, heading to the couch without waiting for an answer.

Jensen kept his head down as he followed and Jared felt the first initial twist in his gut, the worry that things were about to get a lot more complicated.

"Is everything okay?" Mama asked, taking the loveseat beside Jared. As he settled onto the cushion, Jared kept his eyes on Jensen, trying to mentally communicate with his boyfriend. It wasn't working all that well.

"Not really, no. Are you aware that our sons are having a sex - a relationship?" Alan snapped, his voice sharper than Jared had ever heard it. It was enough to make Jared straighten up a little, looking from Jensen to Alan with wide eyes. He knew the man didn't really approve of gay people but he really hadn't thought it would be that big of a deal.

Mama obviously thought the same thing, her body growing tense next to Jared's. "I am aware, yes. Our boys are in love, that's more than just a physical relationship."

"That's really not the point here." Donna frowned and shook her head, gaze lingering on Jared for just a moment before fixing straight on Mama. "Jensen is pregnant."

All the air was sucked out of the room so fast Jared was a little worried he might black out. _Pregnant. Holy fucking shit_. "Excuse me?" He managed to gasp out after an extended stretch of silence. 

"Jared I just found-"

"Not now Jensen," Donna snapped, glaring at Jensen for just a moment then clearing her throat. "Obviously Jensen won't be keeping the baby but I thought it was important you be made aware exactly what was happening in your house."

"Are you implying I don't look after the boys?" Mama was fuming now, Jared shifted away just in case the woman exploded like he worried she might. "I have had several conversations with them and I explained just how important protection is, I even provided them with that protection to use."

"You gave them _condoms_? Fuck, like it wasn't enough you leave them all alone, let them sleep in the same room?" Alan looked just about pissed as Mama but Jared wasn't nearly as worried about him. 

No one could win in a fight against Mama, especially when she was passionate about something. And _holy shit_ , Jensen and he were going to have a baby. They were going to be parents. Except...

"What do you mean Jensen's not keeping the baby?" Jared spoke up before Mama could flare at the accusations. For the first time since the announcement, Jared caught Jensen's gaze. His boyfriend looked crushed, his eyes red and his skin pale. 

Suddenly Jared had no idea how they hadn't figured it out before. They should have realized just what had made Jensen so sick. Jared was desperate to get Jensen alone, to ask how he felt about everything, and to let him know how this didn't change anything. Jared knew it would be hard but he _wanted_ Jensen, including their baby, and they would make an absolutely perfect family.

"Jared, you're both seventeen. I'm sure your mother will explain how there is no way you are responsible enough to handle a child." Donna nodded knowingly and Jared could tell this fight was about to get even worse.

"I was seventeen when I had Jared and I was a single mother whose parents didn't think she was _responsible_ enough." Mama nearly growled the words, her gaze narrowing on Donna.

"Well, then, I'm sure you can understand why we wouldn't want that for our son. Regardless, this topic is not up for discussion. Jensen is our son and we've decided not to allow him to keep the baby. We've also decided it would be for the best if Jensen and Jared not spend time together any longer."

"What?" Jensen and Jared screeched the words at practically the same time, Jared pushing up to stand. "No! That's crazy! You can't stop us from seeing each other."

"It really is for the best. Besides, it won't matter much longer. We're going to find a place for Jensen to finish his schooling and have the baby before it's given up for adoption. They make schools for these sorts of complications." Donna stood as well, Alan following her lead. "Sherri, I hope you will do the right thing and support our decision as Jensen's parents in this matter. And maybe in the future you should keep a better eye on your son."

With that, they practically swept out of the house, dragging Jensen by the arm no matter how much Jensen twisted and tried to pull away. 

Jared dropped heavy back on the couch, shock making his heart lurch unpleasantly. He felt like he'd been punched in the gut; his eyes teared up, his stomach churning with a sickening clench.

"Mama..." he whispered, sucking in a sharp breath.

"It's okay baby. We'll figure it out. We'll... we'll figure out how to make it work." Mama curled an arm around Jared, tugging him in close and pressing a kiss to his temple.


	4. Chapter 4

-Jensen-

The shocked silence was almost familiar by this point and Jensen closed his eyes because he really wasn't sure he could handle another explosion. Between his parents, the horrible fight at Jared's house, and the stern lectures he'd been hearing almost constantly since the news had broken the weekend before. It was Jensen's first day back - and maybe one of his last there with his friends, and Jared who he hadn't spoken to in days - and the tension between the group was thick. 

Jared wasn't even looking at him as they sat around the lunch table, head ducked down, shoulders hunched. For some reason Jensen had thought they'd be okay when he finally got the chance to talk with his boyfriend but he hadn't been able to get the boy alone since he stepped onto the school ground. 

Now things were about to get crazy all over again and Jensen pressed his palm flat to his stomach - an action that was more and more common lately - hoping he wouldn't get sick before learning whether his friends hated him or not. God he couldn't handle losing his friends on top of everything, Jensen wasn't even sure how he was still hanging on.

"Wow..." Danneel finally breathed after the group had taken several long minutes to let the confession sink it. 

_I'm pregnant_. It certainly wasn't any easier to say.

"What are you guys going to do?" Sandy asked quietly and Jensen glanced up long enough to see Chris' arm wrap around the girl's shoulder. 

It made him smile and for just a moment, he felt warmed, like there was really hope for this entire horrible situation if Chris had somehow realized he and Sandy were meant to be. Maybe he and Jared could come up with some way to have their baby and not destroy everything else in the process. 

"Jensen doesn't want to keep the baby," Jared spat and well, maybe Jensen's thoughts had really just been wishful thinking.

Tears pricked along his eyelids - damn his emotions were crazy lately - and he slowly fixed his gaze on his boyfriend, heart sinking. "Jared..."

"You didn't even fight for it Jensen! Your parents are just going to send you away, they'll make you give the baby up and they won't let you see me. And you're just letting them do all of that! You don't even care." Jared slammed his palm hard on the tabletop, the noise echoing in the wake of his outburst.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen could see the shock on their friends' faces and he wondered briefly if they were struggling to adjust to the blows just as Jensen himself was. "Do you honestly think that's how I feel?"

"Why would you just _not_ call? God, I saw you that day Jensen, you were sad but determined. You'd already made up your mind!" Jared pressed both hands flat on the table this time and pushed up to his feet, storming off before the group could even catch up with what was happening.

Jensen felt that wave of sickness of all over again and bile crawled up his throat, tears burning sharper along his eyes. In the next beat, Jensen was up and moving, running without even thinking about it. He could vaguely hear the sound of someone calling his name but he needed to get as far away as possible before he lost whatever food he managed to stomach so far that day. 

"Oh, Jen..." Danneel sighed softly, stooping down beside Jensen where he'd finally collapsed in the grass of the football field. She rubbed his back soothingly as he choked on vomit and tears, the worst kind of mixture. "It's going to be okay. It will, somehow. And it's okay, to not want the baby, there's nothing wrong with that."

“But I do!" Jensen snapped and sat back, wiping at his mouth with the back of his mouth. "Fuck Dani, I _want_ the baby and I want Jared. My parents just- they'll disown me, they'll kick me out and I'll live on the damn streets if I decide to keep it. They took my cell phone and they keep me confined to my room. _Fuck_ , they're going to send me to a private school for knocked up kids to keep me from being with Jared."

"Holy shit," Danneel blinked, glancing up as Chad, Chris, and Sandy gathered and knelt around them. 

There was a scowl bigger than any Jensen had ever seen on Chris' face and his face was flushed red with anger. "You will _not_ live on the streets. You will come and stay in my room before that happens."

"Or mine," Chad added and both Sandy and Danneel nodded quickly.

A faint smile tugged at Jensen's lips and he fell forward, pulling them in for a group hug. "I want to stay with Jared honestly, no offense."

"Yeah well, once he gets his head out of his ass." Chris sighed, shaking his head. "Want me to kick some sense into him? Or, I could just kick your parents. Please let me beat them up."

"Pretty sure that won't solve anything." Jensen sniffed as he sat back, wiping at the tears under his eyes. "I need to really stand up to them, don't I? I need to just... take the risk because Jared, and the baby, it's worth it?"

The idea terrified him - Jensen had never been the type to stand up to his parents, he'd never really gotten into trouble like this before - but there was a slow determination building in him. When he looked up, his friends looked solemn but just as determined, nodding and reaching out to take his hand, touch his arm. 

"We'll stick with you and support you and Jared. No matter what happens okay?" Sandy looped her arm around Jensen's shoulder, squeezing him close. "I promise you boys will get your happily ever after."

Jensen turned into the hug and dropped his voice to a low murmur. "Like you and Chris?"

When Sandy pulled back, there was a brilliant grin on her lips and that was enough hope to keep Jensen going.

 

-Jared-

It was hard to stay angry at Jensen, even when it felt like his heart was breaking and like he might never be able to feel whole again. Jared missed everything about his boyfriend, his best friend, the boy carrying the child he would never get the chance to meet. The only way Jared could handle anything was by avoiding Jensen - and consequently their friends - and try to keep from bursting into spontaneous tears.  
But it had somehow worked. Jared had held on, and he had never been more ready for a holiday break. Thanksgiving was usually a pretty quiet time at their house - just him and Mama and Jensen there to share in the leftovers. The Holiday breaks also usually meant loads of time hanging out, relaxing, with Jensen. 

Jared felt the lack of his presence like the hole that had been growing in his heart. 

"Jared, are you going to be okay?" Mama asked a couple of days into the break. A week off school, Jared should be lounging around in his sweats with bowls of ice cream and bags of chips, drinking soda and watching horror movies. 

But Jared couldn't seem to do any of that without Jensen there, and even the thought of a Thanksgiving feast the next day wasn't enough to cheer him up. "I don't know Mama. This is... it's worse than just losing Jensen. There's this life growing inside the man I'm in love with, and that baby is a part of me and I will _never_ get to know him or her. It's not fair and I don't know how to get past that." 

"I know right now it seems hopeless Jared, and I'm sure it feels like your heart is breaking, but don't give up yet okay? There's still time for things to change." Mama stepped closer, brushing her fingers soothingly through his hair. "Now, wipe off that frown and come help me peel some potatoes for tomorrow."

Jared found himself smiling despite the ache in his chest and he followed Mama willingly into the kitchen. They chatted about safe and normal topics - classes, work, upcoming movies they wanted to see - while peeling potatoes and apples and getting things ready for the feast Mama always made on Thanksgiving. No matter how few people she had to cook for, she always seemed to go above and beyond. 

It was easy to relax and not feel so overwhelmingly crushed with Mama around and Jared found himself finally enjoying break. He was mid-laugh when the doorbell rang and his actions hesitated, brows lifted. 

"My hands are covered in flour honey; go see who that is." Mama turned to the sink and Jared wiped his own hands on a dishrag as he headed for the front door.

Maybe it shouldn't have been that big of a surprise to see Jensen standing on the other side of the door, but for some reason it hit him like a slap to the face. It had only been about a week and a half since he'd learned about the pregnancy but it felt like an entire lifetime. Their whole relationship felt like that, as if they'd gotten onto some crazy roller coaster and somehow crash collided here. 

Jared wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to slam the door in Jensen's face or step forward and pull him close. In the end, that building desperation sparked through Jared and there was really no choice but to follow his gut. Reaching out, Jared snagged Jensen's collar and tugged him in, holding him close like he'd been longing to from the moment he'd learned about the baby.

A harsh sob shook between them, Jensen clutching to him tighter than he ever had, and Jared struggled to pull the boy inside. He had no idea why Jensen was here - maybe something had happened to the baby, the thought alone made him sick - but in the end no matter how upset he was with Jensen, he would never turn the boy away.

"Jared, help him sit down, I'll get some water," Mama's voice was soothing the part of Jared that was pretty close to a freak out. 

It took a few minutes to get Jensen situated on the couch, tucked against his side and clinging to his shirt even as sipped from the water Mama had pressed into his palm. Every time Jensen hiccupped on a sob Jared's grip tightened, his heart still beating a little too quick. 

"Jen?" He finally murmured when his curiosity got the best of him. "What happened? Are you okay? Is the baby...?"

"I'm okay, we are, the baby and me." Jensen sat back and met Jared's eyes, probably realizing what Jared did at the same moment. They'd never really _discussed_ the baby. Jensen had let his parents rant about it and Jared had yelled about it at school the week before but this wasn't really those things.

Jared wasn't sure what to make of it and he hesitated just a moment before reaching out, gently brushing his fingers over Jared's flat stomach. "What's going on?"

"I want to keep the baby." Jensen exhaled the words in a rush, his gaze dropping as he caught Jared's fingers beneath his own, pressing them flush to his stomach. "I don't want to give the baby away, or go to some stupid school, or not even talk to you. God more than anything I want that but I don't know what will happen when I tell my parents and I don't think I can go through that alone."

This time the way Jared's heart was racing felt heady and thick, quick thumps against his ribcage that had his palms sweating and his lips parting. It was the best thing he'd ever heard, knowing Jensen wanted to keep their baby, and even the worry of how the Ackles might react couldn't shake that. He didn't know how to respond outside pulling Jensen in again, holding him tight and pressing a kiss firmly to his lips. 

"We'll help you Jensen," Mama murmured a few minutes later and Jared pulled back from the almost desperate kiss, hearing the sniffles in her words. "We'll go to your parents together and explain how you feel and how you aren't backing down from that. If they accept it then great, you can stay with them. If they don't... if they still want you to go... then you'll come live here with us."

Jared's gaze snapped from Jensen to Mama, his eyes wide as he sat back and tried to figure out if she was serious. "Really? Mama? You'd let him stay here with me? With us?"

“Jared, honestly, you know Jensen is like my second boy. And that's my grandbaby he's carrying, there's no way I'm letting him spend even a single night on the street." Mama beamed at them both, pushing up to stand a moment later. "I really do hope they'll come around though Jensen. I know that this... it's going to be hard. But you'll never have to be alone, I promise you."

"Do we have to go now?" Jensen clutched Jared's hand in his, reaching out to set the glass down on the coffee table as they stood. 

Mama looked sadly at Jensen, and Jared tried to hold him just a little closer like he could keep his boyfriend from the crap that was likely to follow. "Probably best to get it over with, before your parents can go through with finding a school for you. They need to understand how serious you are about this decision."

"I'm scared," Jensen whispered, turning in to speak against Jared's shoulder.

It was horrible of Jared but a part of him kind of hoped Jensen's parents freaked out. He wanted Jensen with him all the time. He wanted to be there to brush fingers through Jensen's hair while he struggled with morning sickness. He wanted to measure the way his stomach grew and feel the baby kick. He wanted them and that was the only thing that seemed to matter.

-Jensen-

By the time they pulled up to his street Jensen was sure he was going to be sick again. His fingers clasped tightly to Jared's, his stomach churning and his heart racing. There was no doubt in his mind that he was making the right decision but he was pretty sure no matter how much Mama hoped, there was no way this was going to play out well for his family. 

"I'm going to let you do the talking, Jensen," Mama said soft and gentle as they pulled into the driveway in front of his house. "But if you feel like you need an extra hand, someone to explain things from a different perspective, you just let me know."

Jensen would much rather have Mama do all the talking but he knew in the end it had to come from him. He'd let his parents speak for him all his life; for once he needed to do what he felt was best, and that meant no longer hiding his relationship and choosing to keep the child he already loved in ways he couldn't even explain. 

He'd snuck out before, needing to get to Jared because of the all too real threat of his impending future at a boarding school for knocked up teenagers. Life this last week and a half without Jared was hard enough. So, he'd left without his parents knowing and apparently his absence had been noted since. 

Both his parents were there now, standing in the living room and watching with narrowed eyes and arms folded across their chests. Jensen had a hard time getting himself to step forward, even with Jared's arm curled around his waist and Mama's hand resting on his shoulder. 

"What is this, Jensen?" His mom asked, her voice tense and her gaze fixed completely on him. "What do you think you're doing?"

"We grounded you to your room for a reason! How could you go against that?" His dad's face was redder than Jensen had ever seen it; the flush of anger so intense Jensen had to step back and press up against Jared's side.

On the other side of him Mama inhaled, obviously ready to fight on his behalf, but something about the way Jared reassuringly squeezed him sent a burst of confidence through him. He had to fight this battle on his own, for himself, to prove he was making the right decision. He was mature and strong enough to handle this conversation - mature and strong enough to be a parent. 

"I want to keep the baby," Jensen said quietly, listening as his mom inhaled, before tensing his shoulders and continuing. "I want to keep _our_ baby. I want us to be together and have a family. I realize I'm young but that doesn't mean I can't have a future. I can go to school, Jared and I can work, we'll get a place and we'll provide for our child."

Jensen risked a glance up, though that probably wasn't the wisest. His parent's faces were expressionless, hard and cold and fixed on Jensen like he was spewing out the most disgusting filth they'd ever heard. There was a lump in his throat and Jensen didn't think he'd be able to continue but he somehow found his voice. 

"I would really like you to be part of our life. I would- I want you there, as the grandparents for our child. It would mean the world to me." Tears were streaming down his cheeks now and Jensen swallowed thickly and made himself look up and face his parents. "But if you can't, that's okay. I won't force you, but you can't force me to make the decision you want. Even if that means I can't live here anymore."

"And where exactly do you think you'll go?" His mom finally snapped, spitting the words like they were venom.

Jensen hadn't anticipated them reacting very well but this cold hatred was something far harsher than expected. He wasn't entirely sure if it had to do more with the fact that he was pregnant or the fact that he wasn't backing down on the whole _gay issue_ as they called it. 

It was funny - in a crushing way - learning how two people who had raised you could shove you away so easily. Jensen didn't think they'd come around and actually let him stay but he hadn't thought he'd be turned out without any argument on the matter either. 

"If you don't want him staying here with you, then I am more than willing to take Jensen in. We have a room for the baby, until Jared and Jensen get their own place," Mama stepped in, taking over when Jensen really couldn't get any other words out. 

"Well, that's just great, isn't it?" Dad snapped, finally dropping his head pose and spinning sharply away. "No money. You'll get fucking nothing from us, you hear me? If you want to throw away your life, then you can do it without us. We never want you in this house again."

With that, the man left the room, not even bothering to look over his shoulder. Jensen's knees weakened and threatened to give, like the sight of his dad leaving was a loss physical enough to draw out his strength. Jared supported him easily though and Jensen had never been so grateful.

Especially when his mom stepped forward, tears glistening in her eyes. "I wish you could understand what a bad choice you're making, wish you could see how you're throwing your life away. Go pack your things."

Ironically, if it hadn't been for her words Jensen might not have felt strong enough to head to his room and gather his things. But she was wrong, so wrong, and Jensen knew then without a doubt that he was making the right choice. Being with Jared, having their child, was not throwing his life away. Maybe it wasn't the life he'd always imagined he'd have but it would still be amazing, with Jared there at his side.

"I love you," Jared whispered as they headed down the hall to his room for presumably the last time. 

Jensen smiled over at his boyfriend and squeezed his hand. "I love you too."  


-Jared-

There would never be anything that could compare to the first time Jared heard their baby's heartbeat. 

Honestly, Jared wasn't really sure how they'd managed to make it to this point. The first couple of weeks Jared would constantly be searching Jensen out, only to find the boy curled up under the blankets crying over the loss of his family. He always held it together in front of their friends and Mama, but Jared saw him at his worst.

He never thought Jensen would accept what had happened and move on, not even as his pregnancy progressed and their first semester at school drew to a close. Things shifted slightly as Christmas approached, the times between spontaneous crying outbursts lengthened, and Jensen began counting down to their first doctor's appointment.

It was easy to support Jensen; he loved the boy more than life itself, but he was glad to think things might be getting better. After all, there wasn't much he could say to justify just how horrible Jensen's parents had been, especially not when Jared was really just relieved and excited to have Jensen there with him 24/7.

"Man, I will not miss morning sickness." Jensen twitched the hospital gown over his thighs, kicking his legs along the side of the table and grinning at Jared. "Bet you won't miss hearing me throw up in the bathroom each morning."

“I don't know - you're kind of adorable when you get all woobie." Jared shot a smirk over at Jensen then turned back to the counter, poking at the pregnancy display set up there. The plastic model shook under his touch and the little baby fell out, clattering along the counter and causing a snort to fall from Jensen.

"Comforting. You nervous?" 

When Jared fumbled - and failed - to get the plastic baby back in place, he turned and found Jensen holding a hand out toward him, soft smile on his lips. Jared stepped in and took his boyfriend's hand, laying his free one over the barely there swell of Jensen's stomach. "Excited mostly. I'm just... it's been a long few weeks - learning about this and everything with your parents - I was honestly worried we wouldn't get here. But I'm so glad we have." 

"I knew we'd get here. It's saccharine, I know, but I think you and I will always make it to that wonderful place." Jensen's smile was soft and warm, pleasant enough to make Jared's heart swell in the absolutely best way.

Before he could respond, there was a knock on the door and their doctor came in. Mama had wanted to be there - she practically begged for it - but he and Jensen had decided this first official appointment was one best to have alone. Sure, Jensen had gone in before and taken an official pregnancy test and everything, but it really felt like this moment was going to change everything.

"Alright, you boys ready to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time?" The doctor smiled at each of them as she crossed the room to Jensen. 

And that first moment, hearing their baby's heartbeat for the first time, Jared realized just how much his world really was going to change. There was a brilliant smile on his boyfriend's face, a warm glow to his skin, and Jared's chest ached in the best possible way. 

"Don't suppose you could tell us what we're having yet?" Jensen asked the doctor as the steady thump-thump of the heartbeat cut off.

The doctor laughed and waved her fingers over Jensen's stomach before he could pull the gown back down. "If I had to guess, I'd say it's either a boy or a girl."

Jared laughed as Jensen rolled his eyes, the smile on his face growing as Jared caught his hand in a tight squeeze. 

-Jensen-

"My feet look like balloons." Jensen frowned down at his feet, kicking them together slowly and falling back on the grass with a sigh. 

"Hey, think of it this way, at least spring came early this year; now you don't have to try and stuff those balloons into tennis shoes anymore." Danneel smirked and rolled toward him on the hill, picking at pieces of grass and scattering them over the swell of Jensen's stomach.

There was no denying he was pregnant now. At almost twenty weeks, Jensen had grown completely out of his jeans and tight t-shirts. He could still get away with wearing Jared's sweats and baggy shirts but Mama had insisted, as an early birthday present, that he pick out some maternity wear. His feet seemed to have grown the biggest, though, and it was weird. 

In a good way.

"And at least you can see your feet," Sandy offered, just about as helpful as Danneel, and rolled in to help the other girl decorate his belly in grass.

"You two suck," Jensen sighed wearily, rolling his head to the side to watch Chris tackle Jared into the field off in the distance. "Oh, baby's moving around. You feel it?"

"No! I wanna feel!" Danneel quickly pressed her hand flat on the roundness of his belly, Sandy's hand joining hers a moment later. "How strange... was that it? Feels like it's not there."

"Ghost touches." Jensen closed his eyes, a dreamy smile on his lips. "That's what Jared calls them. Baby likes playing with him."

He didn't even have to open his eyes to know both girls had that _aww_ expression on their face. They got it a lot lately. Like whenever Jared went out of his way to carry Jensen's book or his lunch tray, or when he gave Jensen an extra cookie - or apple, if he insisted on being better for the baby. And it was sweet, so Jensen didn't blame them. Jared always knew how to take care of him. He was amazing like that.

"We get to know what we're having soon right?" Sandy asked, tucking up against Jensen's side, her head on his shoulder and hand resting on his belly.

The smile on Jensen's face grew and he wrapped his arms around Sandy and Danneel, pulling both in close. "Yes. And then we'll decorate our baby's room and get ready to bring baby home."

-Jared-

There was a steady _tap, tap, tap_ as the heel of his shoe hit the linoleum floor over and over. It was the only sound echoing inside the room outside his quick breath and the gentle rustle of clothing. The silence would maybe be deafening if Jared's thoughts weren't so busy racing around in his brain. 

"If it's a boy can we name him Hamish?" Jensen asked in a quiet mumble and it was the perfect distraction from Jared's potential freak out. 

It wasn't like he didn't _know_ they were going to have a baby - they were halfway there - but it kept hitting him at random times. All the things they needed, all the books that talked about handling the adjustment, all the responsibilities and changes and _planning_. That on top of keeping up on schoolwork and trying to land a job to help with their future and Jared was a little unstable. Just a little.

So the joke - lord, Jared hoped it was a joke - was a welcome distraction. "And if it's a girl?"

"Hmm. Rapunzel? Or maybe... Boo Boo." Jensen was relaxed back on the hospital bed, fingers grazing over the swell of his belly, and he let his head fall to the side to smirk at Jared. "We can call her Honey Boo Boo."

“Bite your tongue." Jared scrunched his face up before grinning at his boyfriend, shifting closer to grasp the boy's hand. "Okay so I know you say you'll be happy with either but tell me the truth, what do you really want? You have to have a preference."

Jensen laughed and shook his head, squeezing Jared's hand tightly. "I really, really don't. Believe me. A girl, well, she'd be our Princess. We'd spoil her rotten, dress her up, and make her shine. A boy, he'd be just as much the center of our world. You could teach him to toss a ball around; we could play in the dirt. And we could dress him up just as much. So either way, I will be perfectly happy."

Sometimes Jared didn't know how Jensen did it, remained so calm about something so _major_. Mama suggested it had to do with reality being something constantly pressing on Jensen. He had to accept the idea of being a parent from the moment life began growing in him and Jared maybe wouldn't believe it was real until the first time he held that brand new baby in his arms. 

"Putting it that way, I can kind of see the benefits to either." Jared tried not to hope for one or the other but he was leaning toward a boy. Mostly because he wasn't sure he would know how to take care of a girl, but he would love the baby no matter what.

"Okay I'm here; I didn't miss anything did I?" Mama burst through the door in a wave of balloons and that sweet flowery perfume she'd worn as far back as Jared could remember.

Jared sat back and tilted his head at Mama, a smile twitching on his lips. "You do realize this is just an ultrasound right? He's not actually having the baby right now."

"Oh, hush you. This is just a good luck omen. I've got a dozen pink and a dozen blue, whichever sex the baby is we let go into the sky, like wishing for a safe and healthy delivery." Mama shifted the balloons and her purse, somehow managing to juggle all the items as she settled into a chair in the corner.

"What do we do with the other ones then? Hand them out to random kids in the park?" Jensen huffed a laugh and Jared just about missed the snort rising in his throat. 

"No, those we take home and I'll bring them into the kids tomorrow at work." Mama was clearly not amused by how funny Jared and Jensen found this entire situation. 

Thankfully, they were saved from any scolding by the ultrasound technician stepping into the room. She glanced strangely at the balloons but Jared had a feeling it wasn't the oddest thing she'd seen in the room so she didn't comment, explaining instead how the process of the ultrasound would work. 

Jared was surprised by how much the baby had grown since the last ultrasound they'd had. Back then, the baby was just a strange little flutter on a blue screen, barely even a definable shape, and even though Jared had seen Jensen's belly growing, this outline of their child made his heart lurch. 

His hand clutched tightly to Jensen's as they watched, the awe and wonder enough to bring the prick of tears to both their eyes. And Jared could hear his Mama's sniffing so they weren't the only ones moved. Jared could see the round head, the little fingers and toes - he counted all twenty as best he could with the baby's movements - perfect tiny little form in static blue and gray.

"Would you like to know what you're having?" The technician asked a few minutes later after printing several pictures and telling them about the baby's current weight and size.

"Yes please," Jensen said in a rush and Jared grinned, reaching out to wipe away the tears on his boyfriend's cheeks. 

"Okay let's just see if we can get baby to play nice and let us see," the technician muttered and Jared's smile grew impossibly wide. The idea of their child already being ornery sounded just about right. "Ah there we go. Looks like you have an already squirmy little boy on your hands. Congratulations." 

Jared couldn't get the smile off his face, not when Jensen kept asking to make sure the technician was sure or when Mama started laughing then burst into happy tears. 

And especially not when they stepped outside a good twenty minutes later; he tipped his head back to watch the dozen blue balloons float up to the sky, well wishes for their son. Jared looped his arm around Jensen's shoulder and held him close, deciding life was pretty much perfect.  


-Jared- 

"Hello! Are you guys paying attention? Stop flinging the paintbrush around, Chad; you'll get blue on the carpet! Honestly, am I the only mature one in this room?" Sandy huffed loudly, tapping her pencil on the notebook in her arm. 

Jared shared a private smirk with Chris before the boy crossed the room to his girlfriend and stooped down to press a gentle kiss to her lips. "Chad's an idiot baby. And don't worry, we're paying attention." 

"Well, I should hope so. We need to make a decision." Sandy didn't sound near as upset as she had just moments before and had to marvel - like he always did - over Chris' power when it came to his girlfriend. 

Of course, Jensen had a pretty damn crazy power over him now. Like now, when his gaze shifted across the room and settled on Jensen, one hand curled around the handle of a paintbrush, the other pressed into the beautiful rounded swell of his belly. At nearly eight months, Jensen was bigger than Jared thought possible, and he was the most beautiful thing Jared had ever laid eyes on. 

"So get on with it, what's made it to the top?" Danneel spoke around a mouthful of stencils, pulling each out one at a time to show Jensen. 

Jared had his own set of stencils, already taped up to the dry blue wall, ready to be painted over. The nursery was coming along; between all the gifts they'd gotten from their friends and Mama - who was spoiling her first Grandson far too much already - Jared was pretty sure they wouldn't need any new clothes for years. But people kept insisting he'd be surprised how quickly they went through everything so it was hard to say. 

"Alright we've got Jasper, Eric and my personal favorite, William." Sandy slid her finger down the list, calling out an assortment of other names Jared wasn't paying attention to. 

In truth, Jared didn't think any of the names they had on the list thus far really fit. He was sure once he heard it, he would know, but then Jensen felt the same way and Jared wasn't entirely sure it would work that way. What if no name ever sounded right? It wasn't like naming a pet or something. This was the name their child would be stuck with for the rest of his life. 

It could make or break him and he might hate them or love them for it someday. Jared didn't even know where to begin. 

"You just like William because you've got some obsession with the Royals," Jensen said over his shoulders, shooting Sandy a smirk then turning to look at more stencils. "Eric isn't right. I still think we should go with Hamish." 

"We are _not_ going with Hamish. I can't even imagine the names he'd get called." Jared abandoned his own stencils and crossed the room, looping his arms around his boyfriend and laying his palms protectively over Jensen's belly. "What about Bastion?" 

"As in Sebastian? Under the Sea? Or Bach?" Danneel scrunched her nose up, red hair flying as she shook her head. "Maddison?" 

“Not butch enough. He's already going to inheriting all of Jensen's dramatic tendencies, that's enough for the poor kid." Chris smirked, hissing when Sandy smacked his arm. 

"He's going to be the best baby ever and you already love him no use denying. What about Alexander? Provides a wide assortment of nicknames." 

“Too common." Jensen shook his head, leaning back into Jared's touch. "We could do some combination of our names, like Jaysen or um, Jenrad." 

It was quiet for a minute and even Jared couldn't help pulling back enough to meet his boyfriend's gaze with raised brows. They all exploded into laughter after that and Jared tugged Jensen in as much as he could, pressing a kiss to his lips. "Pretty sure Jenrad is a flat out no." 

"What about Noah?" Chad's suggestion was quiet and the first one he'd made in this current round of name debating. It was a pretty common past time for them as of late. 

"Noah," Jensen repeated, slowly pulling back from Jared and turning to look over at Chad, a smile growing slowly on his face. "Yes, that's absolutely perfect." 

When Jensen looked up to him with questioning eyes Jared slowly grinned and nodded, pressing a hard kiss to Jensen's temple before bouncing across the room and scooping Chad up. "I can't believe it, all these months of debating and you've found us the perfect name. Chad, you're a genius." 

"I wouldn't go quite that far but it is a beautiful name." Sandy beamed at them, scrawling presumably the name _Noah_ across the bottom of the notepad. 

"Our little Noah." Danneel sorted through the stencils, laying out the right letters on the changing station in front of her. 

"Our Noah," Jared repeated in a whisper, sliding his fingers over Jensen's stomach once more. 

-Jensen-

The crowd was thick and Jensen was waddling more than anything else, so trying to make any headway was almost impossible. Especially when his gaze kept snapping one way then the other, desperately searching for people he knew weren't going to be there. But he kept hoping and he thought maybe if he looked long enough...

"Jensen!" Mackenzie's call rang through the crowd and Jensen's grin grew.

Knowing his sister had managed to come - probably against their parents’ wishes - made something warm in him and it had nothing to do with the early summer heat and the graduation robe he was currently stuck in. "Mack! It's _so_ good to see you."

"Holy crap, look how big you are! That is most definitely a Padalecki baby growing in there." Mackenzie laughed, hugging him as much as possible with his large belly stuck between them. 

"Hell yeah it is." Jared's arm dropped heavily down on Jensen's shoulder, tugging him in and pressing a kiss to his temple. "Our little Noah is going to be a Quarterback from birth."

Jensen hooked his arm around Jared's middle, a laugh rising up in his throat. Even though he was happy to see his sister, he couldn't help looking past her, hoping though he probably shouldn't that his parents might step through the crowd. He, Jared and Mama had discussed it a lot over the last few days, knowing he shouldn't get his hopes up, but his high school graduation only happened once, he thought maybe they could put the bad stuff behind them.

"They wouldn't come, Jen..." Mackenzie said softly, apparently reading into the hopeful look on his face.

He tried not to let his disappointment show, but by the way Jared squeezed him a little tighter, he was pretty sure it was obvious. "I understand. I guess I kind of thought... oh well. I'm so glad you could make it. I was hoping I'd be able to see you before Noah was born."

“I wouldn't have missed it for anything, even if I had to walk in this ungodly heat." Mackenzie grinned at him, producing a bag from behind her back a moment later. "I brought a gift for Noah. Sorry for missing the shower, I wanted to come but I- I just couldn't."

"That's okay, we know you tried Mack." Jared reached out, ruffling Mackenzie's hair. 

Jensen decided to shrug off any lingering disappointments regarding his parents - he knew he should have let it go and moved on months ago - and stepped in to hug Mackenzie once more. "Thank you so much Mack. I'm so happy to see you. And after I have Noah, I hope you'll come by then too. I really want you to be part of the baby's life."

"Of course, I will. I'm going to be the best Aunt ever and there's no one who could possibly stop me." Mackenzie pulled back, beaming at Jensen and poking at the gift once more. "Now come on, open it up, and let's go sit down. Pretty sure not even Jared is strong enough to support your weight if you pass out."

"Hey now, I will support my man and our baby, I am Superman." Jared grinned, throwing his arms around Jensen and Mackenzie and guiding them easily through the crowd.

-Jared-

Like with all male pregnancies, the date for Jensen's delivery was scheduled in advance. That didn't make the moment any easier for Jared and didn't keep him from freaking out as the moment approached. The day of, Jared was up at four am, racing around the nursery to make sure they had everything, which they did - diapers, wipes, enough onesies Noah could be changed three times a day and they wouldn't need to do laundry for a month. Then he was back in their room, sorting through Jensen's hospital bag even though it'd been packed for weeks.

By the time they were checking into the hospital for the C-section, Jared was more nervous than Jensen, and he wasn't even the one going under the knife. Jensen smiled fondly at him, touching his hand and kissing him softly, reassuring him, and Mama was already in tears so Jared was pretty sure it was just going to be an emotional day all around. 

The worst part was the small space in time in which they had to take Jensen in back to prep him for the operation and Jared had to wait to join. He paced the floor then, ignoring Mama's calming talk. Jared didn't want to be calm. He just wanted Jensen, and their baby, and the reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

Seeing Jensen on the operating table sent a sick sort of dread through Jared. He knew the Doctors and nurses could handle the surgery, it wasn't even that unusual now-a-days, but he still couldn't help worrying.

"Jay, I'm fine, little queasy but Noah's almost here. He's almost ours." Jensen beamed up at Jared, reaching out to take his hand. 

Jared couldn't watch, could only meet Jensen's gaze and count the minutes until the one that would matter the most - the one that would officially start them on this brand new journey. 

"I love you so much," Jared murmured and it hit him hard at that moment, just how very much he did love Jensen. They'd come so far in such a short time but then again, it was almost like they'd been traveling to this point from the very beginning. All those years ago, when they'd met as little boys, it was as if destiny stepped in and took over.

Which was maybe the sappiest thing Jared had ever thought and he was mildly relieved that Jensen couldn't read his mind at that moment.

"I love you too," Jensen breathed, and the tears shining in his eyes made Jared think the boy was feeling all the same things he was. 

Then the loud cry of a baby had Jared jerking up and back, turning to fix his gaze for the first time on their little boy. It wasn't the prettiest thing. Jared tried not to think about the amount of blood and how freaky that was. Noah was whisked off before he had the chance to really drink him in. 

"Oh he's a real beauty, you boys made a good one," one of the nurses called out as she weighed Noah, cooing at the still crying baby. 

Jared itched to get closer but before he could, the nurse was turning, baby skillfully wrapped and resting in her arms. "Ready to hold him Daddy?"

“God, yes." Jared reached out to curl his arm protectively under Noah, supporting his head just like all the books said. 

Noah was beautiful, though Jared had never doubted that he would be. When his eyes blinked open, they looked brown and green, a mixture of both colors kind of like Jared's own. A grin stretched across Jared's lips, tears glistening in his eyes as he turned back to Jensen and slowly sat, tilting Noah toward him.

"Noah, here's your Daddy Jensen, say hello." Jared beamed at Jensen, quickly turning his gaze back down to Noah because he couldn't get enough. 

"Oh god, Jay, he's so beautiful, he's perfect." Jensen stretched out as much as he could, caressing his fingers down Noah's cheek. "Hello little guy, we've been waiting a long time for you."

Jared didn't think he'd ever be convinced to let Noah go but it wasn't too long before the nurse came to take him to the nursery. He was ushered out of the room as they finished cleaning Jensen up and Jared hurried quickly through the maternity wing, shoving the doors open and beaming at his friends and Mama as they stood as one and rushed forward. 

"How did it go? How's Jensen?"

"Is the baby five feet long?"

"Does he have your nose?"

"God, please say he has Jensen's nose."

"As long as he has Jared's jawbone."

“I bet he weighed ten pounds."

"You guys want to shut up and see him?" Jared interrupted the moment he could, not all that surprised by the way his friends were speaking one over the other.

Until he turned to the large glass windows and pointed to the crib that was wheeled forward, the group seemed collectively out of words as they stepped in and peered down at the bundled baby. Jared leaned into his Mama's side as she wrapped an arm around him. It felt like his heart swelled and burst and all the worries he'd had about not being ready for this disappeared. 

"Well, he got Jensen's nose, thank the lord," Chad grumbled and Jared's grin stretched so wide it actually hurt.


	5. Epilogue

-Jared-

A loud shrill giggle echoed from down the hallway, greeting Jared as he pushed the front door open. As far as Jared was concerned, there was no better sound to come home to and he eagerly kicked off his shoes, hanging his keys on the little wall hook Jensen had taken such care to decorate. Kind of like the rest of their apartment, that had little splashes of Jensen and Jared and Noah _everywhere_.

Jared loved it.

"Noah! Come back here you little Ninja!" Jensen hollered from down the hall - from the bathroom, if Jared had to guess.

Sure enough, a few seconds later the pattering of tiny feet on smooth wood trailed the continuing giggle and Jared stooped down in time to get an armful of naked, dirty, two-year-old. "Daddy!"

Jared grinned and curled his arms protective and tight around the boy, pulling him up off the floor and spinning him around. "Are you on the run little Noah? What sort of trouble have you gotten into this time?"

"Oh, you know, just about everything," Jensen sighed as he stepped into the front entryway, a smile on his face despite the way his hands were planted firmly on his hips. 

Jensen was the best parent ever, there was no way for Jared to compete and that was just fine for him. After all, it took a special kind of person to stay home with their two year old and go to school online at the same time. Jared found working full time overwhelming more often than not, but mostly because he hated not having more time to spend with Jensen and Noah. 

That was the deal they'd worked out, though. Jensen went to school online, using leftover money from his student loans toward their expenses. And Jared worked full time at a call center, which wasn't the most stimulating work but it paid well enough. Somehow, against all the odds and all the people who didn't think they could do it, they were managing to make it work. Jared wanted to stick his tongue out in a classic _haaa_ but that went against the maturity proving actions so he resisted. 

"How was work?" Jensen stepped forward, pushing up to press a kiss to Jared's lips and trailing fingers down his arm. "Get hung up on today?"

"Nope, not even once. You know what Mama says; even my voice can warm the hardest of hearts." Jared grinned and held Noah up, his hands tucked securely beneath the boy's arms as he considered the chocolatey mess smeared over his son's chubby cheeks. Even his blonde hair - that he'd gotten from Jensen, along with the good majority of his facial features and just about everything but his eyes - had some chocolate smeared between the locks. 

"I eat pudding Daddy! Da said I good boy!" Noah clapped his hands happily, wiping the sticky mess of his fingers over Jared's forearms moments later.

Jared arched his brows and looked over at Jensen who was no longer looking annoyed, just amused even as he shrugged. "It got him to eat all the fish sticks."

"Ah, bribery, we're advancing in our parenting techniques." Jared laughed and pulled Noah close again, heading quickly down the hall. If he'd learned one thing over the last couple of years, it was never leave Noah naked for very long. Not unless he wanted to clean pee out of the carpet or off the wall or - like that one time shortly after Noah's second birthday - out of their bed sheets.

"I am a full believer in using whatever method works." Jensen trailed after him, turning on the faucet as Jared lowered Noah into the tub. 

For a while, they sat simply watching Noah, listening to his barely understandable babble, laughing as he splashed through the bubbles. Jared rested his hand on Jensen's thigh, enjoying the comfort and peace that settled between them in moments like these.

He hadn't always known they would make it. There were times - like in the beginning, with all the sleepless nights and the complete lack of money - that Jared thought everything would just fall apart. But somehow they'd powered through, with the never-ending help of their friends and Mama, and the place they'd reached now was just about as perfect as it could possibly be. 

"Mackenzie came by today," Jensen said a while later, grinning when Noah held up a boat and proudly declared what it was. "Yes baby, that's a boat."

"How's she doing? And... the family?" It was always a sensitive issue, Jensen's family, but Jared knew they couldn't just pretend they didn't exist. Jensen's parents might have been okay taking the ignorance route but Jensen always tried to be just a little bit better than that. 

Which didn't really make it any easier, judging from the sad smile on Jensen's face. "Mackenzie is good. She says Mom and Dad are too. She told them about the party next week but apparently they had plans."

Truthfully, Jared didn't want Jensen's parents to come over, especially not for his birthday party, but he knew why Jensen kept inviting him. Just like he kept sending pictures of Noah, of them, trying to involve them even when they'd made it plenty clear they had no desire to be involved with their family. It was the same reason Jensen had said he was taking Jared's last name when they married, it was all about principles in Jensen's mind and Jared could respect that.

"Well she'll be there right?" Jared smiled up at Jensen, leaning up to kiss the corner of his mouth when the man nodded. "That's all we need. Well that, and Mama. Plus the gang is all in town, it'll be just like the good ol' times."

“Only with Noah, which makes it better." Jensen caught Jared's collar before he could move away, tugging him in to kiss him deeply.

In the tub, Noah splashed a little harder, spraying them in water and laughing excitedly. Their kiss broke and they joined in the laughter, turning as one to gather up the towel and their boy. They worked together well, a practiced routine getting him dressed - hair brushed, face washed - and tucked into his bed. 

Like they did every night, Jared and Jensen sung lullabies together, brushing Noah's hair back from his forehead, pressing kisses to his temple and cheeks. It was one of Jared's favorite times of the day, listening to Noah join in on the singing even if he could never get the words right and seeing the love reflected in Jensen's eyes as he gaze down at their little boy. 

This was never the way Jared had pictured his life, but he would never change a moment of it.

After they'd quietly closed the bedroom door - nightlight on, music box playing - Jared was ready to spend the evening with his Jensen. He trailed along after the man to the kitchen, trailing his fingers down Jensen's arm in gentle caresses. 

"Have you been working on this?" Jared stopped as they entered the kitchen, peering down at the scrapbook spread out on the counter. It was the same one Jensen had given him for his seventeenth birthday, and just the sight of it made his heart flutter. 

"When Noah naps, yeah. We have all these pictures, I feel like if I don't catch up now I never will." Jensen shrugged, tugging the fridge open to start preparing an evening snack for Jared.

Because Jensen was just amazing like that. "You're amazing. I have no idea why you're still with me."

"Eh, the sex is pretty good." Jensen smirked his way, kicking the fridge closed and slowly leaning against the counter. "So um... I've been thinking..."

"About?" Jared never knew what to expect from Jensen, which was part of the reason they worked so well. He reached out to snag a piece of turkey from the container, grinning as he fell back in his chair. 

"How you feel about having another kid?" Jensen kept his gaze down in that carefully calculated way, that way that said he'd already made his mind up and knew just what he wanted. 

And, yeah, maybe Jared had never planned on being barely twenty years old and planning for a second child but life never worked the way he thought it would. That was kind of the best thing about it. "Can we start trying now?"

Jensen grinned and Jared was plenty happy to chase him down the hall to their bedroom.


End file.
